


Wings of Spring

by ShadowdaBookworm



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Cross-Posted on Wattpad, F/M, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-02-06 13:45:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 39,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12818820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowdaBookworm/pseuds/ShadowdaBookworm
Summary: Tamlin, High Lord of the Spring Court, has returned to his broken lands after the battle with Hybern to repair his shattered lands and his shattered heart. Months of monotony are finally broken when Tamlin meets a stranger while patrolling his lands. Now, he has a second chance to find happiness, if he can learn to overcome his past.





	1. Chapter 1

The darkness envelopes me, crushing the air from my lungs. I am alone, utterly alone, in this world of unending night.Terror grips me, locking me in place. A voice, my voice, roars in my ears, screaming.  _ Where are you, where are you, where are you?!  _

My arms reach out, groping for anything I can sink my fingers into. Anything to anchor myself against the rising panic in my chest. All I feel is emptiness, emptiness in my heart and in the bed I now lay in. I know she isn’t here, but still I reach for her. My claws sink into the soft mattress, shredding the thin sheets to ribbons. Finally, I wrestle the nightmare down and wake up with a gasp. Sweat drenches my skin, leaving me shivering in the cold room. So cold and still so empty. I wrap my arms around myself, trying to keep the raging fear coursing through me locked inside.

The moonlight illuminates the empty room that, after being destroyed beyond use, has been so carefully repaired in the months since my return. I push down the familiar, icy rage pooling in my core, but lingering tendrils of her scent wrap around me, holding the churning emotions at bay for a few moments. I inhale deeply, savoring her smell. An ache builds in my chest, and the beast under my skin again roars to be freed.  Fur and fangs and claws erupt from my body as I curl myself around the blankets. I wish to roar my pain and anger to the stars and the moon, but I eventually fall into a more restful sleep. For a moment, at least, I can pretend she is here.

The first snippets of birdsong coming through the window let me know the sun is rising. In a flash, I winnow back to my own rooms. The pity-filled glances of my sentries and the hushed whispers of the servants tell me that my people worry. What people remain, that is. They do not need to know I cannot sleep peacefully without her scent. Even months later, my court lays in shambles, and the denizens of my land have lost faith Repairs have been slow to repair the catastrophic damage left behind by Hybern’s forces. It’s my duty to be their High Lord, to carry on, even as broken and hollow as my heart feels. Despite the mistakes I made, I must be strong and show them I can heal, so they may begin to heal as well.

I emerge from my rooms clad in my usual green tunic and brown pants. One of the newer sentries greet me with a polite nod. I give him a brief nod and make my way to the dining room. My footsteps echo loudly in the hollow silence of the room. Breakfast is the usual lonely affair, and the ever-present ache in my heart grows more prominent here. I can barely stomach my food as I glance around the room. Once, in a distant past, this place was full of bright laughter and animated conversations. Now it is as silent as a tomb. The long wood table with its two rows of chairs stand watch over an empty house… an empty High Lord. Always empty.

The sound of approaching footsteps catches my attention. A welcome distraction.

I glance up from my plate, donning a mask of polite interest to my face as I take in three sentries in the doorway. I wave them in with my hand. They murmur polite greetings to me. “Good morning,” I say. “Do you have news for me?”

The oldest sentry steps forward. His voice is grim as he gives his news. “There have been reports of naga attacks on the northern border, near the village of nymphs. You are needed there, my Lord.”

I nod.  I can’t help but feel a slight thrill as I rise and push my chair back. The thought of having something, anything, to distract me from the constant reminders of all I have lost sends a wave of relief through me. As I reach the gates, the sentries there jump to their feet, startled, and bow in greeting as I pass. I give them a tentative smile as I exit the gates. The urge to feel the wind in my face, to burn off the energy always stalking beneath my skin, rears up. I winnow several miles away from the village, and I begin to run.

The prowling creature beneath my skin roars with joy at the speed of my movement. The pangs in my chest lessen, leaving me feeling as free as the wind. The trees pass by in a green blur, and the sounds of the forest rush by me. A sudden, loud noise stops me short before I register what it is. A shrill scream echoes through the trees a moment before the crashing of falling tree branches and a loud thud reaches my ears.

“Shit!” The voice is female and full of pain. I freeze in my tracks and concentrate my senses to locate the source. A strange scent drifts to me on the wind. Sky and snow-capped mountains and pine trees. I drop into a hunter’s crouch, my footfalls silent on the soft forest floor.

I catch sight of her in a small clearing. The tree branches above her head are broken, letting the warm, spring sunshine in through the canopy to the ground below. Despite my instincts roaring at this intruder, my breathing hitches in my chest as I catch sight of her. She sits facing me, cradling her arm. Hair as black as a raven’s feather frames her face. Her eyes, the color of fresh tilled soil, stand out from her sun-kissed skin, drawing my gaze to her face. She tries and fails to rise to her feet, and the wings sprouting from her back capture my attention. Wings of deep red membrane, veins visible in the sunlight, each tipped with a sharp claw at their apex. Wings so familiar it sends another punch through my gut. They are wings, Illyrian wings. Before I can stop it, a feral snarl rips from my throat at the sight of them. A Night Court invader… on  _ my _ lands.  _ Kill, kill, kill. _

The female’s head snaps up at the sound of my rage, and her eyes find mine and hold my gaze. I notice the fear that flashes there, but the rage, pure and undiluted rage, rippling through me. The beast growls and tries to claw its way free, but something about her brings out another instinct, a soothing rain to the fire burning inside of me. She is hurt…  _ protect, protect protect. _ I arrange my expression into a cold mask, leashing my temper and shoving down both urges. Though she is hurt, she is still a denizen of  _ his _ lands. She is still my enemy. “What are you doing here? These are Spring Court lands.”

She rises to her feet and faces me, her feet spread apart in a defensive stance. An icy rage erases the fear in her eyes. “I know where I am. I am merely passing through.” Her voice calls to something deep inside of me, the weariness and pain softening me farther.

Her arm must be broken because the female cradles the limb to her chest.   _ Protect, protect, protect. _ The words cut through the anger seething inside me as the urge to help her, protect her, overpowers my defensive instincts. I inhale deeply as I close my eyes. My voice is softer this time. “You're hurt. What happened?”

Her brown eyes study me for a moment before they roll upwards. She snorts, “Thank you for informing me I'm injured.” I almost choke with indignation at her tone. “I was attacked by the naga when I landed to refill my waterskin. I winnowed away, but I was to close to the trees to fly. I fell, hit a tree, and snapped my arm. I'm no threat to your lands, High Lord. I want to continue on my journey uninterrupted.”

Her use of my title surprises me. She must see a flicker of surprise because her face spreads into an arrogant grin. It is… beautiful and feral and knocks the breath from my chest again. I extend a hand to her, an offer. “You are in no state to travel. Let me help you.”

She studies me for a moment longer before meeting my gaze. Those lovely, intoxicating eyes sparkle with calculating intelligence. She shrugs, but she does not place her hand in mine. I study the rich, brown leather armor she is wearing. The material hugs her curves but does nothing to disguise the muscles underneath. She is strong. A green gem flashes from her right gauntlet. A Siphon then. I notice the array of weapons she carries. The hilt of a long blade peeks over her shoulder and several daggers hang from her belt. It would be wise to guess she gas several more tucked out of sight. “You may be right, but it would be unwise to remain here. Our courts are not on friendly terms.”

“Despite what horror stories your High Lord has told about me, I’m not heartless enough to chase an injured female away, especially with the naga roaming these woods. Please, let me at least find you somewhere safe to heal.”

“Give me your word you mean me no harm.” Her voice is wary.

“Give me yours you are not here to threaten my lands.” I clench my fists at my side, grinding my teeth together in frustration.

The female rolls her eyes. “I give you my word, on my honor as an Illyrian warrior, that I have not come to your lands to threaten or harm your people or your territory.”

“Very well. I give you my word, as the High Lord of the Spring Court, that no harm will come to you at my hands or at the hands of any member of my court, as long as you keep your word and do no harm to my people or my lands.”

The female nods her acceptance. Her voice warms by a few degrees. “I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Hanna. I am the leader of the only female legion of Illyrian warriors.” A note of pride fills her voice. A commander in the Night Court armies then. I feel on edge once more, but my good manners win out.

“You already know who I am, but I am Tamlin, High Lord of the Spring Court. It is an honor to welcome you into my lands, lady.” I bow to her.

Her cheeks redden slightly. I grin at her embarrassment. “I can’t tell if you are mocking me or not, but I'm no lady, High Lord. Bastard-born Illyrian to the core. I guess the one advantage of my upbringing is I’m not stuffy and full of myself.” Her tone changes to one of mock civility. She inclines her body in my direction. “I humbly thank you, my lord, for welcoming me into your home.”

For the first time in months, the corners of my lips tug up into a smile. The motion is strange and alien, but it feels wonderful. “Just Tamlin will do, Hanna.” I extend my arm to her. She glances at me, her eyes studying my intentions. “I have to take care of those naga. They are threatening the nearby village, but you are no state to fight.”

Hanna glares at me and snorts. “You underestimate me, High Lord. I’m an Illyrian. We are not the weak, pampered warriors of the southern territories. I’ve fought worse enemies with worse injuries. I want to repay those bastards back for this. I’m coming with you.” I see the challenge in her narrowed eyes. It’s as if she is daring me to stop her coming with me.

_ Protect, protect, protect. _ The words echo in my head, but I push them down again. Those damned urges cost me something precious once before. “I… apologize.” I can barely choke the words out. “I am allowing my concern to overshadow the obvious. You are a capable warrior, and I did not mean to offend you.”

A flash of surprise crosses her face, but a cocky grin replaces it. The confidence, the strength, the beauty… it causes something in my chest to tighten, but I ignore it. “It takes more than that to offend me, High Lord. You will need some help to fight those ugly bastards. Help me bind up my arm so I don’t make the break worse and we can go hunt them down.”

I unsheathe my knives and move them to my hips. I unbuckle the belt across my chest and hand it to her. Hanna deftly ties her arm into a makeshift sling and flashes that smile at me once more. I smile back at her and extend my hand. “Shall we be off, my lady?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, High Lord.”

Hanna lays her hand in mine, and I recognize them for the warrior’s hands they are. Despite the calluses, I don’t fail to notice the softness or warmth of her hands. The roaring of the wind as we winnow away drowns out the roaring in my blood.


	2. Hanna

Pain lances through my arm as we winnow to the nearby village I saw during my flight south. The feeling of the calluses on his hand and his warmth send heat to my core. I grit my teeth and curse myself as my arm jolts when we land.‘Pull yourself together! You've had worse than this.’

Tamlin is right. I should be resting my arm, but the idea of any male, especially the High Lord of Spring, fighting my enemies while I cower sickens me. I am an Illyrian. I am a warrior, and I will not hide like a coward.

I heave a silent sigh of exasperation. Cassian would have me running drills for days, if he didn't throw me off the House of Wind, for getting myself into this mess. I made a rookie mistake in letting those naga catch me off guard, in letting my panic override my training. Surprise attack or not, I shouldn't have winnowed the way I did. Female Illyrian warriors are rare, and as the leader of the only all female Illyrian legion, I cannot afford to do such foolish things.

I cannot deny the High Lord beside me is handsome with his eyes the color of sunshine and leaves and springtime. I admire him with a sidelong glance. Something about him calls to me. His hand is warm and sturdy in my own. It sends tingles down my spine. The small quirk of his lips quickens my pulse, and... I push my emotions down.  _ Now is not the time. Battle first, feelings later. _ Cassian drilled lesson after lesson into our heads. In the heat of battle, emotions and panic are distractions that can kill you. I will my mind to empty of everything but the thought of battle. We appear in a small clearing a mile away from where I fell. The scent of the naga grows stronger as we stalk towards the small village on silent feet.

Tamlin stops in the clearing and raises his eyebrows in a silent question. I spread my wings, testing for any injuries. A wave of relief sweeps through me when I feel nothing worse than a dull ache. I can fly and my good arm is sore, but it is still strong. I draw the blade from my back, testing the weight. The blade whips through the air as light and easy as a breeze. I flip my braid out of my face and flash a dazzling grin to Tamlin. “Show me what you are made of, High Lord.”

He answers me with a feral smile of his own. It tightens something in my chest. Such wickedness and bloodlust. He flicks his eyes towards the sky. Taking the hint, I shoot into the sky to scout ahead. After a few moments, I spy the naga lurking on the edge of the village, a few hundred feet from where Tamlin waits. They seem to be waiting for something. I fly back and signal to Tamlin, pointing in the direction of the naga. He nods his understanding and vanishes under the canopy. I speed towards the ground, blade held high. I screech a battle cry and the creatures look up. I land in front of the five naga. I hold my blade in front of me, leaving my guard open, baiting them. “Come get some, ugly!” I taunt.

Tamlin appears behind the naga. They don't hear him. His face holds nothing but pure battle rage. It is delightful. While the creatures focus on me, the High Lord slices the neck of two of the creatures with his talons. The blood of the naga drips down his claws. I savor the bloodlust coursing through me at the sight. The dying screams of the naga grate against my ears, but I rush forward. Two swipes, one to the gut and one to the neck, of my blade have the third naga laying in a twitching, bloody heap. The last two back away and I let loose a laugh as Tamlin snarls at our foes.

Tamlin and I stalk closer to the fleeing naga. Something seems off, but Tamlin continues forward. The sound of screaming rises from the village behind us. I whirl around and the naga lunge forward. All I know is a sensation of agony as razor sharp talons rip through my back. One of the naga pulls back his claws, dripping with my blood. Tamlin is locked in battle with the fifth naga, but I hear him shout my name.

I push away the blackness at the edge of my vision. An instinctive rage ignites from deep within me, dulling the pain. I raise my blade and snarl, “Cheap shot, you creepy bastard!” The naga grins at me in a way that makes my blood chill. I launch myself forward with a shout.

“Cheap shots are what win fights.” The words are a hiss. Bloodlust roars in my ears as I lunge forward. I feint a low attack, and the naga moves to defend his lower body. I raise my blade and the steel meets his neck with a wet sound. The naga’s head rolls away.

More screaming comes from the village and I race towards it. Some part of my mind hears Tamlin shouting after me, but I ignore it. Adrenaline keeps me on my feet. The village is in panic. Naga tear into the fleeing villagers with their claws and smoke rises from a burning house. I leap into battle, dispatching two naga before they can scream.

My Siphon glows as I summon a shield to encase my broken arm. Tamlin appears at my side. His eyes take in my ravaged wing and back. “Hanna…”

I turn my gaze to him. My voice sounds hoarse. “Tamlin, protect your people. I am fine.”

He nods before racing forward. A beast of fur and talons and rage rips from his skin, its battle roar echoing from the houses. Many naga glance at the High Lord and flee. I smile slightly and throw myself into the fray.

My sword sings a song of battle and death. His talons tell a tale of blood and fury. The screaming lessens as we take out the naga that remain. I glance around looking for another opponent, but I only find the bodies of the naga and the villagers we were too late to save. I feel my strength ebbing away quickly.

The green shield from my Siphon flickers and vanishes. Tamlin races to me, back in his Fae form and covered in blood. I manage to grin at him, but I feel my knees buckle. I dig my blade into the ground and lean against it.

His hand reaches for me. “Hanna, are you…”

I brush him off with a wave of my own hand. My injuries begin to throb in time with my heartbeats, leaving a fresh wave of pain in its wake. “I'm fine.”

The villagers approach us before Tamlin can say anything more. One of the females, the elder by her white hair, bows to us. Her voice grates on the ears but holds nothing but gratitude. “You save us. Many thanks to you High Lord and to you lady.”

I smile at her. My knees shake and I dig the sword into the ground harder. This pain threatens to consume me. I see Tamlin glance at me again, but he says nothing. The edges of my vision begin to swim. I've lost too much blood.

Some part of me reaches out for the High Lord standing beside me…  _ Safe _ . The word flits through my head, a phantom thought. I call out to him, my voice weak. “Tamlin…”

He turns to face me when I say his name, and I lock eyes with him before my knees give out. There it is again. That calling to something deep within me. The sensation of falling… then warmth and safety and…  _ him _ .

I faintly hear him shout my name before I am lost to the blackness.  _ Safe, safe, safe. _


	3. Tamlin

Hanna’s voice is barely more than a breath as she whispers my name. Her voice calls to my very soul. I turn to look at her as her knees give out. Her face is so, so pale as the sword holding her up falls to the ground. I reach my hand out to catch her. 

A small smile crosses her face before unconsciousness takes her. I shout her name as panic fills me, but she does not respond. The elder lesser faerie steps forward again. “High Lord, lady need healing. I know much about those things.”

I study the elder. I know nothing about healing, especially not the delicate wings of an Illyrian. Hanna feels light in my arms as I cradle her close to my chest.I drink in her scent. I flinch at the desperation in my voice. The female I’m holding is my enemy. “Help her… heal her. Please.”

The woman says something to a young child. The child races into a hut and returns with a bag filled with herbs and instruments. “Come, no room here. Take us to home.”

I nod and the old woman grips my arm. Winnowing is heavier with others, but my rage and desperation lend me strength. The surgery of the manor is small, so I carry Hanna to the spare room close to my own. I lay Hanna on the bed and watch the old woman go to work. She directs me to boil water and fetch clean cloths. The servants steer clear of the room, but I feel them close outside the door. The shadows move across the room slowly as I struggle to contain the churning feelings inside of me.

While she works, the older female sings cradle songs and lullabies to Hanna in her strange language. She removes the fighting leathers, baring her chest. I avert my eyes, but I still notice the soft curve of her breast and the carved muscles of her abdomen. The female dresses and binds the wounds across her back and wings with practiced grace as I hold Hanna up. She deftly removes the impromptu sling from her arm and examines the broken limb. Her face is grim. “It needing set.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Her healing is quick, and bone will be crooked. It was not proper when healed. I have to break again. It could make arm empty. You hold her.”

I examine Hanna’s face, set in a grimace with sweat gleaming on her skin. “Let's do it.” I grip Hanna in the way the healer directs me. I cannot help but drink in her scent, feel her warmth beneath my hands. Her skin is so soft. The crack of her arm shakes me out of my reverie and makes me wince. Hanna moans loudly, and I thank the Mother when she does not wake up. The woman sets the bone with a quick tug and binds the arm in a sling. I lay her gently on the bed and gaze at her face. I feel that allure again.

“She strong, High Lord. Do not fear.” Her voice is warm and gentle as she pats me on the arm. “I stay and watch for a few days, if that your wish.”

I nod mutely, unable to pull my eyes from her face. The woman exits the room after patting my shoulder, leaving me alone with Hanna. Relief pounds through me as her expression relaxes into a grimace. I brush the locks from her face and sponge the sweat from her face and neck with a damp cloth. I’ve never shown someone such tenderness. It unsettles me. This female is my enemy. She answers to the High Lord that stole everything from me. I should hate her, but… I only feel concern for this injured warrior.

A blanket covers her torso for modesty. I don't dare help her change clothes.I know enough about Illyrian culture to know touching her wings without consent would cause me to lose my hands.

As I think this, I realise, more than anything, I want Hanna to trust me. I want her to know she is safe with me. I stare at her face for hours in the darkening room, waiting for her to open her eyes. The frenzy of wanting to drive her from my lands dissipates as I gaze at her. Something about her calls to me, but I cannot place my finger on it. I feel the desire to protect her, to keep her safe. When the room darkens completely, I use my magic to light the candles. Exhaustion overwhelms me as I close my eyes and grasp her fingers in my own. In a moment, I drift into a dreamless sleep.

A soft, hoarse voice calls me from my slumber. “Tamlin?” I snap my head up at the sound and meet her brown gaze. The faint light of early dawn illuminates Hanna’s face, causing her skin to glow faintly. A smile spreads across my face as I look at her. Something tightens in my chest, and I pull her into a gentle embrace before I can stop myself. I pull away slightly to look at her, and I feel the bond snap into place as our eyes lock. The smile on her face answers a question I have been asking for centuries.

Blinking back the stinging in my eyes, I whisper her name as the realization barrels into me. “Hanna…”

She puts her fingers on my lips and hugs me with her good arm. “Thank you.”

I smile at her, drinking in the scent swirling around me. “What are you thanking me for?”

“You brought me here… Brought me…” Her warm voice falls on my ears like music.

I put my own fingers on her lips. “I couldn't leave you there.”

She shakes her head. “I thought I was your enemy though.”

I sigh. “Don't be an idiot… you helped rescue my people. I might not have been able to save as many lives if I were alone.”

Hanna smiles. “We fight well together.”

I think about her grace and ferocity on the battlefield. It fills me with wicked delight, but beneath that…  _ Protect, protect, protect. _ I clutch her to my chest again before I realise what I am doing. “I was so afraid something would happen to you. I thought I had lost you.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Hanna chuckles. I see the tears lining her eyes. “I’m not going anywhere. Not yet anyways. I have something important to tell you.”

I smile at the beautiful, powerful female in my arms. “What is that?”

Hanna’s brown eyes sparkle in the morning light. “I had to tell you that you are my mate.”

I cannot contain my jubilation.  _ She feels it too! She is my mate.  _ I lift Hanna’s chin with a finger and press my lips against hers. 


	4. Hanna

As our eyes lock, the realization barrels through me. Something I never allowed myself to imagine… Allowed myself to dream.Tears spring to my eyes… _Mine. Mine. Mine. Mate._

His eyes widen at my words. A bright smile spreads across his face as he moves to cup my face with his hand. The joy in his eyes brings him to life, where before he was muted. This is truly a High Lord. Bright and shining and heartbreakingly handsome. Tamlin hesitates slightly, but his finger lifts my chin. In an instant, he presses our lips together. His kiss obliterates everything I am. “You're my mate,” he whispers, breathless.

 The calluses on his fingers are rough against my face and heat floods through my body as his scent fills me. The feel of his skin drives every other thought from my mind. I go to rise and brush my nose against his jaw, but the pain from my back pulls me down to the bed. I let out a hiss of discomfort and slump back into the pillows. _Cauldron boil me!_

 Tamlin's worry flashes in his eyes. I offer him a smile and a small shrug. “Damn those naga! I'll be back to normal in no time.”

“I hope so. You're one hell of a fighter, Hanna.I hope I never have to cross blades with you.” His voice washes over me like a warm wave. I curl my toes under the blanket and bask in his praise.

I flash him my cocky grin. “So are you, Tamlin. For a pampered, southern lord.” I stick my tongue out at him. He laughs, and it is a glorious sound. My stomach emits an audible growl, and I push my good hand against it. Tamlin’s grin widens at the sound. “Can I get something to eat? I'm not going to heal on an empty stomach.”

“Of course, my lady.” He gives me a mock bow and exits the room. I breathe a sigh of relief. I need a moment on my own to think, sort through my emotions. Despite the overwhelming joy at finding my mate, I am knee deep in shit, utter shit. Being indebted to an enemy High Lord is bad enough but… _mates?_ Cauldron boil and fry me! I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to tell the others.

I know what Tamlin did to get our High Lady back. I've heard the reports from Azriel and Cassian. He locked her away, let her waste into nothing but a shadow. All of this and she wasn't even his mate. _Is that what will happen to me? No! I won't let him lock me away. I'm strong enough to fight my way out._

I know all of this, yet his smile and his touch are not those of an evil male. I know I am supposed to hate him. I _should_ hate him for all he’s done. He helped our enemy, and many of the warriors in my legion died in those battles.  His eyes hold many shadows, as if happiness has left him far behind. Leaving him like this… _mate, stay_ . The word sings through my head, my heart, my very soul. I pull on the chord it leaves behind and I feel… _him_.

A roiling, churning sea of grief and rage and desperation courses through me, stealing my breath away. The tears fall onto my clenched fists. The marks of… Feyre and losing her still haunt him. Regret for what he did. The pain of losing his love, the loyalty of his people… All of it is still so fresh and raw. I feel as if I have walked into the home of someone dying. In a way, the High Lord of the Spring Court _is_ dying. He is a shell of who he once was.

 _Mate, mate, mate… stay._ Again, that word, that sensation, that beckoning into a soul deep bond. I know the bond can be rejected, but I cannot find in my heart to leave Tamlin, my mate, here to live while his grief and anger eat him alive. I know how much letting me fight injured bothered him, the conflict that had slipped across his face. He is trying to better himself, I hope. He deserves a chance at happiness... And redemption. I hope. He has lost himself to the darkness. Maybe he just needs someone to lead him back to the light.

Tamlin opens the door with his magic. I quickly wipe my eyes. Bearing a tray laden with soup and hearty bread and fresh fruit, he sets it on the table next to the bed before taking his seat next to me. He smiles at me, some of the shadows gone from his eyes. My heart aches at the sight of this handsome male. My fingers and lips long to explore his body. _Mate, mate, mate, mate!_

“I felt your tug, Hanna. I hurried after that. I don't want you to fade away from hunger.” He gives me a saucy wink. _Good. He doesn’t know I pity him._

I grin sheepishly and pat my stomach. “Well, there isn't much to fade away right now.”

Tamlin studies me, his eyes moving along my body. The thin blanket may cover the details of my body, but it does nothing to hide the shape of my curves. Even as battered as I am, his gaze sends tendrils of warmth down my body. _Damn those naga!_ Despite my reservations, some animalistic part of me craves to have him touch me, possess me. I internally roll my eyes. _That would be the mating bond._

Tamlin lays a bowl of soup in my lap. Vegetables float merrily in the dark broth and a rich, earthy aroma reaches my nose. “Thank you.”

My mate watches me carefully until I spoon the soup into my mouth. The flavors dance along my tongue. Hunger gets the better of me. Besides, I doubt he cares if I look like a savage or not. I set the spoon down and drink from the bowl instead. The pile of fruit vanishes quickly after the soup, and I consume half of the bread before laying the rest on the tray. Tamlin continues to watch me, his gaze hungry.

I stare right back at him and ask, “What?”

His cheeks redden. He shrugs. “Can't I just look at you?”

I laugh and stick my tongue out at him. “I'd prefer you save the ogling for after I'm out of these bandages. I mean, I know I'm gorgeous now, but I can be even prettier when I'm all healed and cleaned up. Besides, I'm sure I smell bad.”  

His answering smile makes my heart skip a beat. There is hunger in his eyes, a primal hunger, that makes my breathing hitch. I _want_ him to own me, to make me his. I shake my head and push those thoughts into a deep hole where they can’t bother me. I must remember that he cannot be trusted yet, mate or not. He closes the distance between us, our faces inches apart. I swear my heart skips a few beats this time. I wonder if he can hear it. “Hanna?”

My voice is breathless as his scent washes over me. “Tamlin.”

“You're beautiful no matter how rough you look.” Before I can answer, Tamlin presses a kiss to my forehead. The feel of his lips is like a match to kindling. Desire rushes through me, and my body moves before I can contain myself.

My good arm reaches up to clench his hair in my fist. I pull him closer and mouths come together, and I forget who I am. He  loses his balance and lands on top of me, his warm weight crushing me into the bed. I ignore the pain lancing through my back as I taste him. Beast and sunshine and spring. He tries to pull away, but I refuse to let go. His scent wraps around me even more, and my tongue presses against his lips, begging for entrance. He breathes in sharply, opening his mouth slightly. My tongue dances with his as his arms wrap around me.

His embrace is warm and sturdy, and being in his arms feels so right. I drink in his scent as he presses me closer to him, and it is intoxicating. My soul cries to be bound to his soul the way our bodies are joined together.  When he tightens his embrace farther, pain cuts through my back, and an involuntary gasp escapes my lips. The realization of what is happening barrels into me. I push him away, and Tamlin releases me at once. I am left feeling hollow and hungry. My breathing comes in ragged gasps.

Tamlin brushes his hand through his hair, pushing stray locks from his face. I cannot read his expression. His hand strokes my cheek. He keeps his voice soft as he says, “Hanna, you need to rest. There will be plenty of time for us to get to know each other after you're healed.”

I sigh and lean into the hand resting on my cheek. His warmth lingers on my skin after he slowly removes his hand.

Tamlin smiles at me as he leaves the room. I want to ask him to stay, but my head is spinning with so much emotion and desire that I need space. “I'll be back soon, Hanna.”

The door shuts quietly, and I am left with nothing but the birds and my thoughts for company. _As if I could sleep feeling like this. What a fine mess I’ve gotten myself into! I have to leave. I can’t stay here, not with him. He is my enemy, mate or not. My loyalty belongs to the Night Court and My High Lord and Lady, and that is where I belong._

Weariness creeps up on me, and I finally fall into a light sleep with the sounds of spring birds singing in my ears.


	5. Tamlin

I catch myself gazing out to the garden again. I shake my head, but I can't clear the stray thoughts. The past few weeks have been… good. Almost too go to be true. Hanna sleeps in her own room still, but we spend every waking moment together. Talking, laughing, training, and... bonding. I can’t consider her my enemy any longer. She has become so more than my friend, but I cannot force my feelings on her. Every time our eyes meet, it steals my breath away from me. 

The usual nightmares no longer plague me. I feel our mating bond like a balm to the darkness living beneath my skin. Hanna allows me to think around the churning emotions, to focus on the brightness of life.

Through the study window, I turn to watch her in the garden, stretching her muscles and running through her exercises, swinging her lethal Illyrian blade as if it weighs nothing. Her muscles ripple beneath her usual attire of fighting leathers. Whoever trained my mate did a fine job. Her movements are graceful, swift, and lethal.

As I watch her, it hits me again that she is a  _ commander _ in Rhysand’s army. She has a place in his court. Despite our hours of conversation, she never mentions the members of the court apart from the females in her legion.

_ She has to return sometime, you know. _ I push the thoughts away. Dwelling on the fact Hanna will fly back north one day is enough to send me into a dark place. Her heart belongs in the City of Starlight, and her loyalty belongs to the High Lord of the Night Court. My heart cracks a little when I realize she will never truly be mine.

Her injuries healed quickly, thank the Cauldron. The way the sun shines from her hair and wings mesmerizes me. My fingers itch to stroke her silken locks. However, since the morning we had our first kiss, we have only shared friendly touches. The occasional brush of bodies while we spar together or a hesitant touch of an out of place hair. The effort not to explore every inch of her body eats at my self-control, especially when she gives me that damned cocky grin.

I glance down at the piles of paperwork on my desk and heave a heavy sigh. I won't finish it at this rate. The breeze drifting in through the open window calls to me, beckoning me outside. I stand and push the papers aside. I walk to the glass doors and continue to watch her for a moment.

She finishes her forms and launches herself into the sky with a whoop of pure joy. I pull on the bond, and her joy fills me. Such pure, glowing ecstasy. It has been so long since I have felt such happiness and freedom. My power ripples underneath my skin, longing to transform into wings, to dance through the skies with her. A short tug answers me and Hanna lands in front of the doors. I pull them open for her. “I thought you were working.”

“It's too beautiful to spend all day locked inside. I was wondering if you… could help me with something.”

A flicker of surprise flashes in her eyes before she flashes me a bright smile.She lowers her body into a mock bow. “Of course, my lord. What can this lowly Illyrian do for you?”

I roll my eyes at her. “I want to fly with you.”

I have caught her by surprise. Her mouth hangs open. “R-really? How can you?”

I give her a confident smirk of my own. “I’m a High Lord, remember? I can shape-shift. I need you to help me though. I don't know how the wings are supposed to...be.”

Her face brightens. She turns her back to me and stretches her wings out for me to examine. “Go ahead and look. I'll help you tweak. Don't forget the muscles in your back and core support their weight.”

The weight of her trust hits me in the gut. This is what I have been hoping for for weeks. I reach a single finger towards the delicate membrane. “You're giving me permission to touch your wings? Are you sure?”

Hanna nods. I cannot read the emotion in her eyes. “Yes.”

I trace a finger down the inside of her wing. The surface feels as soft as silk, but the muscle beneath it is hard. She inhales sharply, her back arching. “Is it that sensitive?”

“Mmm-hmmm.”

“Let me give it a try.” I close my eyes to concentrate my power. Hanna’s wings drift into my mind, and I will my power to mimic the shape of the wings.

Hanna gasps as I feel a strange weight pull on my shoulders. “You did it!” My eyes fly open to see her jumping up and down in joy. “I can't believe you did it!”

I test the new additions to my body. The weight is unfamiliar as I try to stretch my wings out. The muscles in my shoulder and back scream at the new abuse. I feel the wings droop and drag on the ground.

“Keep your wings off the ground. It is a sign of weakness if you let them drag, if you don't injure them first,” Hanna admonishes me. She walks behind me, studying my wings. He hand stops an inch from the wings.“May I?”

“Of course,” I answer.

She runs a delicate finger down various parts of my wings. Every brush of her finger sends a tickle down my spine. My back arches as her finger draws lines down the sensitive membrane, pointing out various places I should add muscle. I will my power to make the adjustments she suggests.

“That should be enough,” Hanna says after another examination. “Try to fold your wings together then spread them out. I want to see if you're ready to fly.”

She demonstrates how she tucks her wings in tight. The muscles in my body protest the new movements, but I manage to fold them in nearly. “It is a good thing you are already strong, but you need to build up your core strength. We should train together every day, if it isn’t too much for you, of course.” She winks at me. “ Also, practice folding and extending your wings every day. It will get easier.”

Her words give me hope. Maybe she won’t leave after all. Hanna grabs my hand and we winnow into the air. She wraps her hands around my waist and extends her wings. The wind roars in my ears, and the world looks so small. I feel her brush against my mental shield from where our minds join together.

I let her in a little bit, and her voice fills my mind.  _ I'm going to let you go. Extend your wings and let the air catch them. It is going to hurt at first. Try flying on your own by using your instincts to guide you. _

_ Won't I just drop? _

_ Maybe. If you think you will, then yes, you will. Trust me. This is the best way to learn. You can winnow if you get too close to the ground. I will catch you as well. _

_ You're a cruel teacher. _

_ You would learn how to fly fast, too, if you had Cassian threatening to always throw you from the roof of the House of Wind. _

I feel a flicker of jealousy at the sound of another male's name on my mate's lips. Hanna must sense my irritation.  _ What's wrong? _

_ Nothing. Just a stupid thought. _

_ Well, I suggest you clear your head. _

_ Why? _

Hanna releases me from her grip, plunging me into a freefall towards the ground.  _ Clear your head, spread your wings, and see if you have any instinct for flying. I mean, not everyone is cut out for it. _

_ Is that a challenge? _

A flicker of amusement comes through the bond.  _ I wouldn't challenge you to flying. I am a seasoned Illyrian warrior. You're a fledgling leaving the nest. Besides, as far as I can tell, you’re going to splatter on the ground very soon. _

_ Very well, my dear Illyrian. I accept.  _ The wind threatens to tear my wings from my back, but I stretch them out. The speed of my fall decreases as the wings catch the wind. I move into a smooth glide.

Hanna walks me through the basics of banking. I let out a whoop of joy when my body drifts to the right. Hanna appears beside me before ascending again. Her face is alight with joy.  _ You look good with wings, but you may want to gain some height before you kiss those trees. _

A glance at the ground shows the trees rushing towards us. I use my growing sense of confidence to move my wings so my body rises up. The muscles in my back begin to ache, but I ignore it as I fly with Hanna.

I feel my mate’s happiness through the bond.  _ I’m surprised you got it down so quickly.  _ She appears in my field of vision once more and blows a kiss towards me.

I launch myself at her, but she deftly dodges me. She twirls through the air, an ecstatic smile on her face. Before I can raise myself into the air again, the muscles along my back seize up from fatigue. I begin to fall rapidly. “Tamlin!” Hanna shouts. I hear her wings beating frantically.  The ground comes closer and closer with each heartbeat. “Winnow!”

I vanish into nothingness and reappear on the ground, wings flared out behind me. The wings vanish with half a thought. My tired, aching muscles cry out with relief as the weight disappears. Hanna calls my name as she searches for me.

I tug on the bond between us, and Hanna appears in front of me a few seconds later. Her exuberant smile causes me to smile myself. “That was amazing,” I say.  

I watch her face flush with pleasure. Her smile turns shy. My brave Illyrian can blush! “Yes, it was. We should fly together again sometime. In the meantime, we need to work on strengthening your core.”

I glance around the trees, looking for a sign of something I recognize. We are in a small clearing, the sounds of birdsong and flowing water surrounding us. We have flown west, but I am unsure I know far the wind brought us.

Hanna kneels next to the small stream, splashing water on her face and under her braid. I sit down next to her and take a few mouthfuls of water. “Your lands are beautiful,” she says.

I smile at her praise. “What are the Night Court lands like?”

“Have you never been there before?”

“Rhysand and I have not been on friendly terms for centuries,” I say simply. “I only went when I was very young and don't remember much of it.”

“I grew up in the northern mountains. It is very cold there, but the Illyrians claim it makes them stronger. I prefer the coast. It is much warmer.” Hanna places her hand over mine. The touch surprises me. She lets out a small sigh. “Does it bother you that I am...a member of his court?”

Her question surprises me. I turn to study her expression, but her eyes are carefully neutral as she meets my gaze. I entwine my fingers with hers and bring them to my lips. “No, it doesn't bother me that you're a member of his court. You are much more than just that. I haven’t considered you an enemy for a long time, Hanna. You have become… important to me.”

Her eyes widen before she smiles at me. “I'm glad to hear you say that.” She slides closer to me and puts my arm around her shoulder. My heart skips a beat as her soft warmth presses against me.

“Does...does it bother you that I am what I am?” The question blurts out before I realize what I am asking.

Hanna nestles her head into my shoulder. “No, Tamlin, it doesn't. Maybe it should… Maybe I should look at you and see you as my enemy.”

I feel my face drop. “What do you mean?”

Hanna sighs. “I was told tales and rumors that paint you to be a… monster, an enraged beast.” The words hit me like stones to the head. My temper flares, but I wrestle it down. “I know I should look at you and see that, but… when I look at you, I can't see it.”

My voice is tight. “What do you see?”

“I see... _ you.  _ I see a High Lord lost in a world of grief and pain. I see your broken heart. I see the scars you try so hide to hard. Underneath it all, I see a male with kindness and bravery in his heart. I believe you would give everything of yourself to protect the ones you love. You made some bad choices, but you don’t have to let those define who you are. I believe you are capable of overcoming them.”

The anger vanishes for a moment at her words. I feel… exposed.  _ She sees me for who I am. She… _

_ “ _ You have a choice, Tamlin. You can let the anger consume you, control you. Or you can learn to master it… learn to hone it into a tool, a weapon. You are a High Lord. You are Power. You are not a slave to anyone or anything, not even the beast prowling beneath your skin.”

A whirlwind of emotions sweeps through me, and I jump to my feet. I feel my defensive instincts rising to defend against a threat that isn’t there.  _ No… she is wrong. I am a beast. I am a monster. She is wrong… I'm no better than a territorial beast desperately clinging to what I believed to be mine. Hanna isn’t mine. She will never be mine. _

Hanna glances up at me in surprise. I avert my gaze from her and throw up a mental shield to block the onslaught from her. I need to get this under control.“Tamlin? What is it?”

“Nothing. Leave me alone,” I growl. I hide my face with my hands. I need to protect her from who I really am. Hanna doesn’t need to see me like this.

_ This is exactly how I lost Feyre. I was so blinded by what I believed to be the best course of action that I lost her to Rhysand. I was too arrogant to believe that she could be happy anywhere else, and I didn't even notice her wasting away in front of me. I haven’t changed. The same thing will happen to Hanna. She needs to leave… _

“Tamlin!” Hanna’s voice is more urgent. She tries to pull my hand away from my face, but I snarl at her.

Her eyes widen at the sound. She backs away a few feet.  _ What if I do the same thing to Hanna? What if I break her down the same way I did Feyre? I… she can't stay here. I don’t deserve her. _

My thoughts are cut off when Hanna grabs my arm and pulls it away from my face. The monster beneath my skin snarls at the touch. Her brown eyes are brimming with concern. My own eyes, nothing more than chips of ice, meet her own. “You need to leave. Now.”

“What do you mean I need to leave?” Her voice is shrill.

When I don’t answer, she puts her hand on my shoulder. “Tamlin!Tell me what's--” My temper snaps, and I lash out. Hanna's words choke off as my fingers close around her throat. Her eyes widen as her fingers grab my hand. “Tamlin...What...what are you...doing?”

In a deathly quiet voice, I growl, “I told you to...Leave. Me. Alone.”

I watch every emotion drain from her eyes, replaced with calculating coldness. Her feet kick out, catching me in the ribs. My grip on her slackens. A green glow surrounds us, and I am thrown back through the trees. I come to a stop against an old oak tree that shudders at the impact. Hanna appears a few steps ahead of me.

A glint of steel catches my eye. She stalks towards me, her face set in a silent snarl. I rise to my feet to defend myself as she stops inches from my face. She presses one of the daggers against my inner thigh and another against my throat. I freeze as the cold metal makes contact with my skin, my fury evaporating instantly.

Her voice is quiet, cold, and dripping with venom. “You listen to me, Tamlin. Mate or not, I swear by the Cauldron, if you  _ ever  _ raise your hand in anger to me again, I will cut your balls off and shove them down your damned throat. It isn't a threat… It's a  _ promise. _ ”

Horror. That is the only emotion I can feel.  _ What have I done?  _ My only response is silence. I reach a hand out towards her, but Hanna winnows away. She reappears in the air, out of my reach. There is no trace of warmth or affection in her eyes as she regards me with disdain.“You get your wish. I'm leaving,” she announces coldly before vanishing again.

I release a roar of pain that shakes the nearby trees before sinking to my knees, sobs racking my body.  _ What have I done? What have I done? What have I  _ done?


	6. Hanna

I hear Tamlin’s roar as I vanish. My body is shaking with barely contained fury.  _ How dare he! I’m so stupid thinking he can change! He’s nothing but a beast.  _ I feel his churning emotions through the bond, even with the shield between us. His grief… his rage. It leaves an emptiness in my chest, but I refuse to give into the urge to run to him.  _ I’m going home, where I really belong.  _

As my thoughts turn to home, guilt hits me like a stone as I winnow away. It has been weeks since Rhys sent me south to check the human lands. The battles of the war still haunted me, and I had volunteered for the task to get away for a few days. I should have sent word that I was delayed. I run my hands over my face.  _ Cauldron boil and fry me! What did that arrogant High Lord do to me?  _

In a rush of light and sea-scented wind, I appear in the air far above the City of Starlight. I can’t help the smile that  stretches across my face as I land on a small side street near the Rainbow. A walk through the streets is what I need. I tuck my wings in tightly and set off down the streets, drinking in the sights. The beauty of the city still steals my breath away. I take time admiring various wares in the shops to distract myself, but my dark thoughts keep creeping into the forefront of my mind. 

When I can no longer ignore the anger rolling in my gut, I head to the House of Wind. Exercise usually allows me to focus. I launch myself into the sky. There is a training ring near the top, and I need to work off my energy before I destroy something. I reach the open windows of the training room and glide in quietly. The cool breeze blows through the massive open windows. 

I breathe a sigh of relief when the room is empty. The last thing I need to deal with is Cassian's smartass comments. I draw my blade and slide into the smooth movements of my exercises and forms. The movements don’t soothe the turbulent emotions rolling around inside me, but I feel them dull as I move. My mind focuses for the first time in hours. The sounds of footsteps and voices reach my ears, but I do not stop my exercises.

The male voices stop abruptly when they enter the room. I turn to see Cassian and Azriel standing in the doorway. I laugh when I see them both standing there, jaws hitting the floor. “Hello,” I say. “You should close your mouth before a bug flies into it.” 

Both males snap their mouths closed. Cassian studies me for a moment, head cocked to the side, before rubbing his eyes in mock surprise. “Hanna, isn't it?” Azriel rolls his eyes. “Where the hell have you been?”

I nod and finish the maneuver. Oh, a verbal sparring match with Cassian is exactly what I need right now! “Yes, I'm surprised you remember me in your advanced age, my lord.” I dip into a mock bow. The memory of Tamlin bowing to me flashes through my mind. My lip curls at the thought.“It's good to see you both.” 

Both males smile slightly, but I see the worry on their faces. It is Azriel that speaks this time. His voice is quiet, those intelligent eyes running over my body. “Where have you been, Hanna? It's been weeks since you went south and we thought you might have been dead.” 

I shrug and put a nonchalant smile on my face. “I had a run in with some nasty creatures. I got injured pretty badly. Nothing I couldn't handle, but it took… awhile for me to heal.”

Azriel raises his eyebrow, as if he knows I am telling a half-truth. I am glad when Cassian steps forward, an eager grin on his face. The shadowsinger looks at me for another moment before going to sit down. “You look pissed… Need a sparring partner?”

I glare at Cassian.  _ Insufferable males all around me today!  _ This would help work off my temper before I do anything too stupid. I raise my blade again. “I've already knocked one person on their ass today, so I would love to do it again.” 

Cassian clicks his tongue before he flashes his famous cocky grin. “Didn’t I ever teach you not to get a big head?” 

“I usually learn by example.” Azriel chokes on the beverage in his hand. Cassian gives me an exasperated look. 

"You want to talk big, back it up.” His blade slides out of its sheath with a small whine. We stare each other down for a moment before he launches himself forward. I leap out of the way and strike his exposed side. The blow goes wide, and Cassian strikes again. I block the blade with my own. “You've been practicing,” he comments. 

“Of course,” I croon. “I'm too talented to just stand around looking pretty. Although, I'd be pretty damn good at that too.” I parry another blow and strike out with my elbow. The hit makes contact with his cheek, but Cassian dances out of the way before it can damage him. His eyes widen, and he launches forward once more, faster this time. 

Our blades meet with an almighty  _ crash.  _ The impact jolts me back, and Cassian presses his advantage. His weight throws me off balance, and I fall backwards.  _ Stupid rookie mistake!  _ No, I had simply grown accustomed to fighting a warrior that isn’t as bulky. The ground knocks the air from my lungs, but I manage to parry his next blow. He knocks the blade out of my hand with a twist of his wrist. Gasping for air, the tip of his sword digs into the leathers over my chest. 

Another damned memory of Tamlin flits through my mind. It was only last week he managed to disarm me and we were in this same position. I remember the triumph in his eyes, the fear that he might drive the blade through my neck, and the warmth of his hand in mine as he helped me to my feet.

I snarl at my mentor, but I nod my acceptance of defeat. Cassian extends his arm to me and pulls me to my feet. He thumps me on the shoulder. “Hey not bad... for a novice. At least you have been practicing instead of sitting on your ass Where have you been anyways?”

I pick my blade up and return it to its sheath. I hesitate before I answer. I have known Cassian and Azriel since I was a babe. They are my mentors and my friends, but… I feel anxious about revealing too much to them right now. I avoid the expecting hazel eyes while I say, “Oh you know… Here and there.” 

I see the two Illyrians exchange a look. “That's kind of a half-ass answer. Did something happen?” Cassian snaps.

“I told you, I ran into some trouble south of here. Naga attacked me and a village. I fought them off, but  I broke my arm and got hurt pretty badly, so I had to spend some time healing.” I feel my temper rising again. I roll my eyes at myself. I’m full of rookie mistakes today: underestimating Cassian, letting my emotions cloud my judgement, and now allowing the jibes to get under my skin.  _ Stupid mating bond, leaving me acting as if I’m nothing more than a moony, love-struck fool. _

Cassian steps closer to me, nostrils flaring as he sniffs in my direction. “What the hell happened to you? You smell different. You’re making mistakes that I haven’t seen you make since you first held a blade in your hands.”

A knot twists in my gut. I school my features into a scowl. I step away from him and snap, “Do you mean the fact I actually smell clean? I  _ do  _ bathe, Cassian, even if you don't.” I hear Azriel choke back a laugh. Cassian glares at his comrade. “I had a rough journey, and even I make mistakes.”

He turns that calculating expression to me, studying me as if I were a puzzle. “There are those half-ass answers again. My point exactly. It has been at least a century since  I saw you making mistakes like that. It’s very unlike you. Not to mention the fact, you smell like a damn animal that rolled in a rose garden.”

I don't let one flicker of surprise show on my face at his words. I turn and spread my wings to them. Their eyes go directly to the fresh scars on my wing. “No shit. I got hurt in the Spring Court lands. It wouldn't surprise me. Tamlin doesn't have his lands back under control. I had to spend my time hiding in the woods there after the naga attacked me.

“How did you recover so well?” Azriel chimes in.

“By sheer luck or the Mother’s grace, one of the nymphs in the village was a healer. She has spent so long repairing the children’s webbed hands, that this wasn’t much different.” 

Cassian steps closer to me again, sniffing like a dog. “There is something… odd about you.” 

A little bit of my self-control snaps, and I bark at my mentor.“Back off, Cassian!” Before Cassian can retort, more footsteps sound from the hallway. The door opens to reveal the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court standing in the doorway. I dip my head and greeting as Rhysand and Feyre enter the room. 

Rhysand raises his own eyebrows in surprise at the sight of me. Feyre steps forward and embraces me. “Hanna! You are alive!” 

I check my mental shields, sealing every crack. I’m not ready to answer for my absence, not in front of Feyre or the others. Not yet. “It's good to see you, my lady. I'm sorry to have worried you.”

Cassian continues to observe me. I shoot a glare at him. Rhysand steps forward and Feyre smiles at her mate. It sends a pang of longing through me. “You've been gone a long time, Hanna.”

“I ran into some trouble in the… Spring Court lands. I should have sent word. I apologize, my Lord.”

Feyre’s eyes widen. Rhysand raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I was travelling over a village of nymphs when I saw a large group of naga approaching the village. I couldn’t just leave them. I managed to fight them off, but one of them left me a reminder of my efforts.” I indicate to my scarred wing. “It took me several weeks to heal and regain my strength.”

Feyre places her hand on my shoulder. “That was very brave of you, Hanna. Thank you. Did you see…?”

The room chills as four pairs of eyes look expectantly at me. Tamlin is our enemy, but he is also my mate. Despite his outburst this afternoon, I do not hate him. I still want to stay by his side. It jars me when I realize just how deep my feelings for the High Lord go, even without the mating bond.  _ You let him in and he tried to kill you.  _ I bury all of those thoughts deep into my mind to take out and examine later.

I take a deep breath and say, “Yes, I did see the High Lord.”

“Well, shit,” Cassian blurts out. “Did he hurt you?” I don’t miss the edge in his voice.  _ I can take care of myself, you territorial bastard. _

I shake my head. “No, he saved my life. I would have bled out if it wasn't for him.”

Feyre nods. She knows there is a good male underneath all of the shadows in his heart. The males all exchange shocked glances. Cassian shakes his head. “Why would he do that? It makes no sense. Tamlin  _ hates _ us, and he knows enough about Illyrians to recognize one when he sees one. It just makes no damned sense.”

Words fail me. I give a meaningful look to the High Lord. An enormous power brushes against my mind, and I open my shields a fraction of an inch for him.  The moment Rhysand enters my mind, I know he can feel it. The faint glow of the waiting bond between the High Lord of the Spring Court and I. His surprise is palpable.

_ I didn’t want this.  _ I can’t help but say those words. I am desperate for him to understand.  _ I didn’t want any of this. I wouldn’t change any of it though. _

Rhysand withdraws from my mind. From the shocked expression on Feyre’s face, I know the High Lord has told her. Cassian still paces up and down the room and fails to notice the silent exchange. “What is it?” Azriel asks.

I nod to Rhysand, the words still sticking in my throat. Cassian stops and glances at me, then at the others, and back to me. “Rhys, what is it?”

“Hanna found her mate while she was gone,” Feyre says, her voice even. “Tamlin.”

I flinch when two sets of hazel eyes turn to me. One of them is filled with quiet sadness, but the other pins me to the spot with the promise of violence in them. Cassian opens his mouth to speak, but I hold up my hand. I don’t want to hear this right now.

“Hanna, are you alright?” Cassian asks, his voice softer than I ever remember hearing it. He approaches me slowly, as if I am a wild animal. Those warm, sturdy arms wrap around my shoulders, but it isn’t his embrace I want to feel. The scent of mountain pine and male fills my nose, but it is the scent of spring flowers and beast I want.

For the first time in two hundred years, tears fall down my cheeks in front of Cassian. “I want to go back. He is my mate.”

Cassian stills. His tone is clipped. “That doesn’t mean you owe him anything. The bond can be rejected.”

“Cassian, it’s her choice,” the High Lady says.

He glares at Feyre, but he says nothing. He wraps his arms tighter around me. I can almost hear the thoughts in his head. After my parents died, Cassian has always been overprotective of me, especially after I was almost killed a few decades back. He still blames himself for what happened. He wants to kill Tamlin for this.

I shrug Cassian’s arms off of me and step away from him. “I’m going back. I have to.”

“You know what kind of male he is!” Cassian snaps. “You know what he did. He is our  _ enemy _ , Hanna! You owe that bastard nothing! For Cauldron’s sake, why are you chasing after him like a lovestruck fool?”

The accusations cut deep. The fragile tether I had on my temper finally snaps. I shove the Illyrian back from me. “Cassian, that is  _ enough! _ What the hell do you know about him? I’ve been with him the past few weeks, so I would have a better idea than you! He is my  _ mate.  _ That isn’t something I am willing to just ignore.”

Cassian’s self-control fades. “A few weeks of goodness doesn’t override the fact that he spent _months_ with Hybern. He sold all of Prythian out, costing countless innocent lives. Not to mention everything he did before.” Cassian glances at the High Lady. “He is nothing but an enraged beast. If you go back, we might not ever see you again!”

“Do you have so little faith in me? As if I would allow him to lock me away. I’m strong enough to fight my way out!”

Cassian snorts, crossing his arms.“Strong enough, yes. I would argue about if you would actually be smart enough to do so. Do whatever you want! As I’m sure you’ll remind me, you’re a fully grown Illyrian. You can make your own choice. I just know that your father would  _ not  _ want you to sell yourself to an enemy of our Court, mate or not.”

The burning temper raging inside me drains away, leaving only hurt and icy rage in its wake. My voice is quiet. “Are you calling me a whore?”

“No, but I know your parents would turn over in their graves if they could see you now. Chasing after an enemy High Lord. Selling yourself to him.”

My hand lashes out and slaps the Illyrian across the face. The blow leaves a bright red handprint on Cassian’s cheek. “Get it through your thick skull, you meddling, arrogant bastard! You are not my father, and you never will be. I do not belong to you! I do not need you interfering in my life with your misguided attempts to protect me!”

Those hazel eyes darken, and for a moment I think he will lash out. Cassian turns on his heel and storms from the room. The others say nothing as I sink into one of the arm chairs, exhaustion weighing me down.

“Did something make you come back?” Feyre asks, her voice gentle. She sits down in the chair next to mine.

I sigh before explaining what had happened. I feel Tamlin’s remorse through the bond. From time to time, I hear him calling my name silently, begging me to come back. It is too much with everything else that has happened today. I block off the bond. My heart breaks when I think I will never see him again.

“I think you can help Tamlin,” Feyre says unexpectedly. “You care for him. That much is obvious. I think you should return, on the condition that he never do such a thing again. What is your heart telling you?”

“I need to be with him, but… He…” I shake my head.

The High Lady lays her hand on my arm. She gives me a tender, understanding smile. “I know what the mating bond does. Tamlin is not an evil male. He has potential, but I don’t think he can do it alone.”

Rhysand approaches us. He wraps an arm around his shoulder. “Go, Hanna. I do not want you to stay here if your heart belongs somewhere else.”

“What should I say to help him? He is stuck in the past.”

“Tell him that he needs to move on. I think I gave you that lecture decades ago.”

I roll my eyes and laugh. “I’ll be back soon to visit.”

The others embrace me before I walk to the balcony and launch myself into the air. I tug on the mating bond, using it to guide me to Tamlin as I winnow back to the Spring Court lands.

I appear in a small clearing with a willow tree singing a haunting melody nearby. A flash of gold catches the light. Tamlin. On silent wings, I land on a tree branch above him. He does not lift his head. I slip into his mind through the bond and wait.


	7. Tamlin

The moment Hanna vanishes, I sink to my knees, sobs wracking my body. I winnow to my favorite spot in my lands. When I appear in the clearing with the singing willow, I stumble to sit on the roots of the tree.  _ Stupid! Stupid! STUPID!  _ I ram my first into the bark over and over, the ancient wood groaning beneath the force of my blows. Blood drips down my hands from the scratches on my knuckles.  _ How could I have been so stupid?  _ The stinging in my hands is nothing compared to the ache in my heart. My loss of control was completely… harming my mate.  _ How could I? I am no better than a mindless beast.  _

The singing of the willow calms the raging emotions beneath my skin. I lean my head against the tree and cradle my injured hand. A long sigh escapes me, and I turn my thoughts to the bond I feel in the churning sea of my emotions. 

The bridge to Hanna acts as the stars to the endless dark of my mind. I feel her emotions, her hurt and anger, but she has locked me out of her mind. I don’t dare press against those impenetrable walls.  _ Just as she should… _

I can’t get the image of the look of horror on Hanna’s face as I held her, the anger and wrath glinting in her eyes as she held her dagger to my throat out of my mind.  _ So much for her trusting me. I ruined any chance I had with her. She deserves to return home, to her family and friends. To her true place in the world.  _

My shattered heart cracks again at the thought I will never see her again. I only have myself to blame for the choices I have made. Hanna leaving has made me realize that. I have lost everything… the woman I loved, my closest friend, the faith of my people, my honor, and now… my mate. 

_ I am a monster. _

I don’t know how long I sit, staring at nothing, as the wind whispers through the branches above me. The forest does not know what dwells within it, what kind of horror lurks among its trees. I sink my head into my hands as hot tears leak out of my eyes again. I feel Hanna brush against my mind, but I don’t try to make contact with her.  

_ You are not a monster, Tamlin.  _

My head snaps up at the sound of the voice…  _ her  _ voice. It has to be my mind playing tricks on me. Hanna wouldn’t be here.

_ So what if you have made bad choices? Everyone makes mistakes, you know. That doesn't make you a monster. You can still make things right. It isn’t too late to become the High Lord you have always wanted to become… to become the High Lord I know you can be. _

I bark out a sardonic laugh and roll my eyes.  _ Stop tormenting me. She isn’t here. She’s gone. _

_ Tamlin, I haven't gone anywhere.  _

_ If you aren't just my mind playing tricks on me, then why aren't you here? _

Her laugh flits through my mind, and I can almost see her smile.  _ Will you open your eyes? It might help you see what’s right in front of you.  _

I hear a small cough in the tree above me. My breathing hitches as I glance upwards and catch the light shining through her wings, glinting off her hair. Her face breaks into a warm smile. I refuse to meet her gaze.

“I was wondering when you would notice me. My ass hurts from sitting here for so long.” Her tone is light and amused. 

My throat tightens again, silencing the words I wanted to speak. She can’t be here. This isn’t where she belongs. Hanna vanishes for a moment only to reappear on the ground. She tucks her wings in and sits next to me. 

Shame floods through me as I feel her press her shoulder to mine. I turn my head away from her, withdrawing further into my mind. “Tamlin.” Oh her voice… so soft and gentle. 

I shake my head at her. “Hanna, please, just go. You don’t belong here.” 

Her clothes rustle as she cups my chin in her fingers and squeezes. The pressure tightens when I try to jerk my head from her grip. “Damn it, Tamlin. Look at me.”

I shake my head again and pull my head free of her grasp.

Hanna gets to her feet and moves in front of me. “Look. At. Me.” Her voice has lost all signs of gentleness. A cold, determined fury fills it. She digs her nails into my skin and jerks my head towards her. 

Her brown eyes are shining with ire. I meet her gaze, but I say nothing. Hanna  _ tugs  _ on the bond, letting her anger and desperation hit my mental shields.  _ Why won't you look at me, Tamlin? What have I done? _

I close most of my mind off and feel her pause at the emotions swirling inside me.  _ I’m not angry with you, Hanna. I am ashamed at how I behaved. I lost control. I could have hurt you. You need to leave. Now.  _

Hanna sighs with exasperation. She digs her nails even harder into my chin. Her voice is softer now.  _ No. You need to listen to me. Right now. I am not going anywhere. You will not drive me away this time. You are my mate, Tamlin.  _

_ For Cauldron’s sake, Hanna! I hurt you! I can’t trust myself around you. Please. Leave me alone.  _

She scoffs. _Stop being so dramatic, please. It’s pathetic._ _I think I demonstrated I’m quite capable of protecting myself. You need to fix this before it destroys you._

_ How can I fix something this broken?  _

_ You don't have to do it alone.  _

_ I won't be able to stand it if I snap and lose control again. If I hurt you again… _

The words trail off when I see the intensity in her eyes. “Tamlin, stop dwelling on the past. You can’t do anything to change it. You need to learn from it, lay it to rest, and move on.”

“It's not as easy as it sounds, Hanna. I've made so many mistakes...”

“You're right. It isn't easy. There are so many things in my past that I wish I could forget, so many things I wish I could do again, but I can’t. It took me years to forgive myself for the mistakes I made, the cost of those things. I learned from them, and I haven’t repeated them. You can do the same.”

When I don't answer, Hanna sighs again.  _ I don't feel worthy of being happy. I have done so many horrific things, Hanna. I sold out my lands for a woman that I was too blind to see was happy without me. My actions cost so many innocent lives. _

Her anger and disappointment hits me through the bond. It is like being burned by a whip of fire.  _ Tamlin… I want to help you. I want to support you, but… If that's how you really feel, then I can't change your mind. You are not alone. You have me, but…  _

_ What do you mean? _

Hanna gets to her feet.  _ Don’t ask me to stay here and watch you continue down this path. I love you too much to sit by as you destroy yourself. If you want to move on, I will be here, every step of the way. If you want to live in the past, then I’m going back home. _

My head snaps up. Her expression is guarded when I meet her gaze. She pushes me out of her mind and walls me out with mental shields of mountain stone and thick pine. “You… Did you say you love me?”

“Yes, I did. I do love you Tamlin, but…” Hanna shakes her head. “I want you to be happy, but I can't stay here and watch you destroy yourself.”

“Is it the bond?”

She steps out from under the tree, her gaze upturned towards the sky. “No. It isn't only the bond. I love you for who you are, who you can become.”

My heart stops when she spreads her wings. I spring to my feet. “Hanna… Are you leaving?” 

Hanna refuses to meet my eyes. Her voice is neutral and almost cold, but I can feel her grief through the bond. _ Yes, I’m leaving. For good this time.  _

My voice breaks. “Hanna… Please.” I place my hand on her shoulder. 

Hanna whips around, dislodging my hand.“By the Cauldron, Tamlin, don't make this harder than it needs to be! You’ve made your choice, and I have made mine.” Her voice cracks.

I reach for her again, but she backs away. “Please, listen to me.”

“What?” she asks sharply.

“I don’t want to continue down this path. I can’t stand it. I want to be happy again… with you. I… I love you too, Hanna. Please, I need your help.”

I stretch my hand out to her. She stares at it for several moments before relief and pure joy light up her face. She places her hand in mine. 

“We'll get through this… together.”

“Together,” I agree, pulling her closer to me. This is where she belongs, wrapped in my arms. I kiss her gently before winnowing us back to the manor.


	8. Hanna

The warmth of Tamlin’s hand is a comforting weight as we winnow to the manor. I inhale his scent… beast and power and springtime. He opens his mouth to speak, but I silence him by pressing a finger to his lips.

“Let's talk inside, Tamlin.”

He nods and leads me to his study on the second floor. He sits in one of the large armchairs in front of the fire. I glance from him to the other empty chair. My hips sway as I make my way towards my mate. I smirk at the way he stares. 

Tamlin’s eyes widen when I perch myself on his lap, draping my wings down the side of the chair. “I missed you, even if it was only for a little while,” I admit, caressing his cheek with my hand. 

He wraps his arms around me and squeezes tightly. His nose traces a line down my neck as he nuzzles me. “I missed you too, Hanna.”

My heartbeat quickens at his touch. Touching him like this…  _ Finally! _ I stroke my fingers through his hair. “I want us to try, Tamlin. I've never loved someone the way I love you. Besides, we are mates. That has to mean something.”

“I want to try too. I've spent too long living in this dark place. I've let myself become someone I never wanted to… turn into. More of a beast than a male.” His words trail off. Tamlin sighs deeply, his breath tickling my neck. 

I lean my head on his shoulder. “What is it?”

“I never wanted to become like my father or brothers. They were so cruel. I wanted to be better than what they were. Cruel, enraged beasts.”

My heart constricts at the sadness in his voice. “You aren't cruel or a beast. You made mistakes. Everyone does, Tamlin. You recognise where you have made them, and you want to make amends. I would say that's a good first step.”

I feel him smile against my skin. His arms tighten around me, cradling me to his chest. “I love you,” he whispers. 

I smile at his words. “And I love you.” 

Tamlin strokes my hair as he asks, “How did you become a commander of a legion? I didn't know female Illyrians were allowed to train.”

I loose a long breath. “We usually aren't. Rhysand changed those rules after Amarantha was deposed. I escaped the fate that has befallen most of my sisters.”

“What fate?” he asks. 

My voice goes flat as I reply. “If a female is born with the killing power, like I was, we are usually kept for… Breeding. I was born to one of the brothers of the camp leader and his… mistress. Not a bastard, but not “pure” either. I had enough of the killing power to be useful. My uncle wanted to mix my magic into his bloodline. Well, if I had stayed in the camp. Cassian saved me from my wings being clipped.”

“Clipped?” I hear the confusion in his voice. 

“It's a common practice in some of the more… Backwards camps. A female has her wings cut in just the right place and the wound is left to fester. Though our wings are strong, they are sensitive enough that an improperly healed would will cripple an Illyrian… For life.”

My mate’s embrace pulls me closer. “That’s barbaric!” 

I lean my head against his shoulder. “Yes, it is. That's why my mother spirited me away. Cassian found her while she was in the woods giving birth to me. He must have scented the blood. She begged him to take me away, to spare me the fate that she had suffered. He brought me home to him with Velaris, and a High Fae couple that could not have their own child adopted me as their own. They were wonderful parents.

“I grew up completely unaware the horrific treatment I was spared from. Cassian and my father trained me as any Illyrian would be trained from the moment I was old enough to hold a blade. Cassian became like an uncle to me, and I grew up around the Inner Circle since I was in his hair all the time.” 

I chuckle through the tears that begin streaming down my face. Tamlin draws his fingers down my cheek, caressing it and wiping away the tears that escape. “You don't have to tell me this if you don't want to, Hanna.”

I chuckle, the tears streaming down my face. “I know, but it feels good to have someone else know. It feels good to tell you this.”

Tamlin wipes my eyes with his thumb, the callous scraping gently against my skin. “Thank you.”

I take a deep breath and continue. “Cassian exchanged letters between my birth mother and I for two hundred years before Amarantha took over. During her reign, many camp leaders reverted back to the old ways. Females were never allowed to train, only meant to do chores and produce more warriors. Some camps even… disposed of female infants and punished the mothers who bore them. Rhysand was trapped and could not stop it. Cassian and Azriel were forced to remain in Velaris.

“After Feyre broke the curse and Rhysand returned to the city, I begged Cassian to take me to see my mother. I had not had a letter from her in over 50 years, and the reports were bringing back more and more news about the… conditions of the camps.”

“You went to see her?”

“Yes, but it took a lot of begging on my part. Cassian finally got annoyed enough and took me with him. I was to be his understudy, training to lead a legion of females. It wasn't untrue, but I didn't want anyone knowing I was the niece of the camp leader because, as a female in his family, he could claim me as his property.”

Tamlin shakes his head in disgust. “The Illyrians are such a backwards people.”

I laugh again. “You sound just like Amren!” 

My mate returns my smile. “Do you need to stop, love?”

“No,” I say. “We made it to the camp alright. It was my first visit, and it shocked me what I saw. Cassian and I met with the camp leader who, of course, sneered at me and insulted his general for training females. I ignored him. I was eager to see my mother. At last, we managed to leave the camp, and she met us in the woods.”

I open my mental shield enough to allow Tamlin into my mind. There is showed him the images flowing through my head.

_ The snows were thick on the ground and more was falling, the constant wind blowing them around. Cassian had left us alone. Her hair, the same raven black as my own, was covered with the flakes. Her eyes are blue, and they hold nothing but love. She stroked my face with her thumb, tears streaming down her face. “My precious daughter, you've grown into such a fine warrior. I’m so sorry I could not raise you. Can you forgive me?” _

_ Nodding, I throw my arms around my mother's shoulders, feeling none of the strong muscles I am accustom to. Her cheekbones jut out from her face. Her wings are tucked in, but I notice the jagged white lines along the bottoms of the wings. Horror chills my blood. _

_ “You should not have come, but I am so happy I got to see you at least once. I want you to know that I am so proud of you, of what you have grown to be.” _

_ Tears pour down my own face, freezing in the biting air. “Mother, I couldn't have become this without you. Is there no way we can take you back with us?” _

_ My mother shakes her head. “No, I would be too missed. He still… wants me. I know what I sacrificed in order to give you a life, and I would not hesitate make the same choice again.” _

_ “What did he do to you?” My voice barely registers over the wind. _

_ “Nothing that would not have already been done to me once you had been born. It isn't your concern, Hanna. Now, I have been gone for too long already. Collecting firewood isn't one of my duties, so I need to get back before he notices.” _

_ Footsteps crunching in the snow catches my attention. I scan the trees, expecting to see Cassian emerging from the trees. My mother stills beside me as two males enter the clearing. I recognize one of them as the camp leader, and the other…  _

_ His face, so similar to mine, stretches wide into a predatory grin. “I thought it was strange when you left to gather firewood. The last time you went into the forest, you lost our child. Now, I see you have found her once again.” _

_ Two or three more males drop into the clearing, separating me from my mother. One of them grabs her while the other two lunge at me. I dodge out of the way, drawing my daggers. One of the males draws his blade, the metal whining. I raise my own blades, baring my teeth in a snarl.  _

_ “Tsk, tsk, tsk, my dear. That isn't any way to treat your betters.” His voice carries across the clearing. The glint of a metal blade against my mother's throat catches my attention. He presses it against her skin, drawing a single drop of blood that falls to the ground, vivid against the white snow. I snarl my defiance at him.  _

_ “Drop the blades or I will cut her throat,”my uncle commands. _

_ I glare at him for a moment, and my mother shakes her head slightly. With a defeated sigh, I toss my daggers to the ground. The other two males surge at me, binding my hands roughly behind my back and pushing me to the ground. I growl at them, but I cannot throw the fully grown male off. I writhe beneath him, but a quick blow to my temple sends me into unconsciousness.  _

I pull myself out of the memory. Tamlin allows none of his emotions show on his face, but I can feel his anger and sadness through the bond. “Tamlin, please… I don’t want your pity.”

Tamlin takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “I'm fine, Hanna. It’s just hard for me to think of you going through that. It's in my nature to want to protect you.”

His honesty warms my heart. My overbearing, protective mate. “It's all in the past now. Old news. I would much rather think about the future… especially the future I have with you.”

Tamlin's eyes light up at my words. Mother above, I love when he smiles like that. I flick his nose playfully. His fingers fist in my hair and pull our mouths together. 

Every thought empties from my head at the touch. His kiss sets every nerve in my body on fire, the heat licking every pore, and pooling in my center. My heartbeat races as my fingers fist in his long hair, holding him close to me. 

Tamlin inhales sharply and deepens the kiss. His tongue brushes against my lips, and my own tongue greets his with a sensual dance. Without breaking the kiss, I lift myself and position my body so I am straddling Tamlin. He moans into my mouth. 

A groan escapes my own lips as I feel him harden against my pants. Tamlin's hands stroke my back and my ass as he kisses my neck and ear, leaving a line of fire along my skin. I arch my back, and his hands slip onto my wings. He lifts his hands immediately, a question in his smoldering eyes. I nod my head slightly. 

The first touch on my wings draws a long moan from deep within me. I knew they were sensitive, but it is so much sweeter when I am aroused. My fingers move to rip off Tamlin's tunic as he fumbles with the straps of my fighting leathers. When the clothes fall to the ground, Tamlin leans back and gazes at my naked torso, his eyes full of a predatory hunger. 

My body shudders under the weight of his gaze. I draw my nails down his muscled chest, drawing another moan from him. His claws rake gentle lines down my own back. I throw myself at him once more, holding his hair in my fists as I kiss him deeply. 

Tamlin places his hands under my ass and lifts me up, carrying me to the desk. He scatters the papers on top of it with one arm before laying me down on the wood. “Naughty, naughty High Lord.” I smirk at him, anticipation squirming through me.

Tamlin only growls gently, his ravenous gaze once again roving down my body. My cheeks flush. His hand reaches towards my breast, but he only draws gentle circles around it while grinning at me. I snarl my impatience at him. “Let me savor this,” he whispers. His hands explore my upper body, but he avoids where I beg him to go. My back lifts up when he finally squeezes the aching breast in his hand, his thumb kneading my nipple. 

He lowers his mouth to my other breast, teasing and taunting it with his tongue and teeth. I surrender to his touch, my fingers twisting in his hair. His calloused fingers scrape the other breast, flooding me with heat. Tamlin doesn't take his mouth from my skin as his hands carefully skim the waistband of my pants. I lift my hips from the desk as he slips them off. 

I let out a strangled gasp that Tamlin catches with his mouth as his fingers suddenly stroke my core. My hips buck as he inserts two of his fingers inside me. Every fiber of my being narrows to that sensation. I feel his erection pressing against my thigh, and I  _ need  _ to feel him inside of me. 

“Tamlin…” I beg him, my voice hoarse. My body is climbing higher and higher, higher than I've ever flown before. “Tamlin, please.”

My only response is a husky chuckle. All at once, Tamlin pulls his fingers from my and takes his lips off my skin. I groan in frustration and crack my eyelids open. He is kneeling before me, grinning at me in a wolfish way. My heart skips a beat as he lowers his head. “I want to taste you.”

Every sensation, every thought empties from my head save the waves of pleasure rolling through my body. Each stroke of his tongue reignites the fire. I whimper his name, begging him for release before my climax hits me with the force of storm winds. 

I try to sit up, to touch him, feel him… But I cannot move. Tamlin holds my hips and waist with his strong hands while some invisible force binds my wrists to the desk. This is too much. I feel the pleasure building once more. Tamlin continues his feasting, slowly savoring my writhing, until I come undone again, crying out his name. 

From far away, I hear Tamlin rise to his feet. “Are you alright?”

I nod my head weakly. My entire body is limp with pleasure. The sight of his carved chest and tight pants awakens my hunger. “Please… I want to feel you.”

“As you command, my lady.” I hear his pants fall to the floor before his face reappears over me. 

For a few moments, I feel nothing. Then something nudges my entrance. I nod my head again. Every nerve ending comes alive again as Tamlin slides himself inside of me. He holds himself there, allowing me to adjust to the sensation. A long, low groan rumbles through him, drawing a small moan from me. The force holding my wrists vanishes, and I lift my hands to stroke my mate's face. 

Our breaths mingle together as he leans in for another kiss. His scent and my scent drift around us, dancing together… mingling.  _ Mate. Mate. Mate. _

I run my hands along his shoulders, his chest, his back. “I love you, Tamlin.” 

He kisses my nose. “And I love you, Hanna.”

His saying my name sends another wave of desire through me. I grind my hips against him, urging him to move. Tamlin draws back and thrusts into me. Every thrust of him sends heat flooding through my body, and I begin to  _ feel  _ him, his soul. Our dancing scents merge together, forming a new scent. One of beasts and snow and sky and power. He is mine, and I am his.  _ Mate. He is my mate. _

Without warning, I am scooped up in my mate’s arms. He presses me against the wall, filling me with him  again. Tamlin begins to move faster, a low growl coming from his throat. A distant part of my mind laughs at the racket we must be making as the pictures on the wall rattle. My own body begins to climb once more as he says my name again. One final thrust to the end is my undoing. I cry out his name as I explode around him, and his talons dig into my ass as he finds his own release. 

Tamlin lowers me to the floor. We lay together, panting and bodies slick with sweat. Our eyes lock and I feel the bond between us become a bridge of pinewood and green leaves.  _ Mate. My mate.  _

I lean forward and kiss his nose. Feeling sated and content, I nestle my head into the crook of his shoulder. This male belongs to me now. He is my everything. With him, I feel complete. “I love you,” I whisper. The words aren't enough. They will never be enough. 

“And I love you,” he whispers back.  ****


	9. Tamlin

I awaken in the night with sweat pouring down my body from the nightmare haunting my sleep. Images of broken wings and blood and screaming flash through my head. The beast beneath my skin growls, but I push it down as the scent of Hanna, my mate, wraps around me. Her black hair falls across our pillows, some of the locks covering her face. The corner of her lips curls into a slight smile.  _ Safe. Safe. Safe.  _

I sigh and wrap my arms around her naked torso, cradling her closer to me. Her head rests against my shoulder, her wings drape over the sides of the bed.  _ We need a bigger bed. _ My nose burrows into her hair, inhaling her mountain and pine scent. I let sleep claim me once more, and the nightmares do not return. 

A soft voice calls me back from sleep. Hanna draws her fingers through my hair, pushing the stay locks from my face, and presses a soft kiss to my brow. “Good morning, Tamlin.”

My eyes open to see brown eyes, soft and glowing, leaning over me. Even three months of waking up to her every morning, the sight of her face steals my breath away. The sunlight coming through the curtains makes her look radiant. “Good morning, Hanna.” The slope of her bare shoulder peeks above the blanket. The urge to touch her, to kiss her, has me drawing a finger down her bare arm, savoring her softness. 

Flashing me her favorite grin, Hanna leans over me, her hair tickling my bare chest, and kisses me softly on the lips.My mate lets out a small sound of pleasure as I deepen the kiss. With a satisfied growl, my hands grasp her hips, pulling her on top of me. In a moment, I lose myself in her. 

We enter the dining room, hands clasped. The room has come alive again. Some of the sentries have started joining us for breakfast. Hanna jokes with them, but they all look at her with admiration. As my men laugh at Hanna’s jokes, my instincts roar and protest at the admiring looks they give her, but I push them down. Hanna is mine. She is my mate, not my possession. I feel a glimmer of pride come from the other side of the bond. Hanna lifts her glass to me and winks. 

After the meal, my mate goes into the garden after breakfast to run through her training exercises, as usual. The piles of paperwork on my desk grow with each passing day. I roll my eyes at the month's worth of papers. This means I should be in my study, but I turn towards the gardens instead. 

After an hour, Hanna and I drop into our two favorite armchairs, panting and sweat pouring down our bodies. My body stings where her blows landed. Her smile widens when our eyes meet. “How in the hell did you learn to fight like that?” I manage to gasp out. 

Hanna flips her braid over her shoulder and wipes the back of her neck. “I had a hell of a mentor. Come to Velaris and train with Cassian. He will make you soft southern males tough and strong.” 

Though her tone is light, I hear her unspoken offer. “Would I be welcome in Velaris?”

Hanna’s eyes brighten. “Yes, of course. We are mated. You are now, by extension, a part of the family if you want to be.”

Velaris is her home. Though she never says it, I know being away pains her. Despite the discomfort it would cause me to face my old enemy, the joy in her eyes is enough to prompt me to say, “I… I would like to see the city. Can we go?”

I feel her surprise and delight come through the bond as she looks at me with a glowing face. “Are you sure?”

I nod and extend my hand to her. “Yes, I'm sure. When do you want to go?”

She takes my hand and drags me towards the front door. “Now?”

I inform one of the sentries that we will return on the evening. At the gate, Hanna smiles at me again. “We are going to fly in,” she says, breathless. “The city is most beautiful from the air. The House of Wind is warded against winnowing, so this ”

I summon the wings Hanna taught me to use with my power. Their weight has lessened, but I still can’t fly long distances. She admires them, tracing a finger down the inside curve. Hanna grins in a feral way at my gasp before winnowing us away. I stretch out the wings as the darkness gives way to light. 

My eyes widen when I see the grand city spread below us. Hanna squeezes my hand.  _ Don't forget to fly, darling. _

I smirk at her.  _ Would you let me fall? _

She shoots me a withering look in response.  _ Of course not!  _

I glide with my mate through the sky, drinking in the beautiful buildings, shops and houses of different colors. High Fae and lesser faeries of all kinds walk the cobblestone streets below. A river flows through the city, the sun reflecting from its waters. Perhaps the best thing of all is the sound of children laughing that reaches us even this high. 

Hanna pulls my arm and points to a large mountain with windows and balconies carved from the dark stone.  _ That's where we are going. The others are gone until this evening, but I want to stop by my rooms before I show you the city.  _

_ The others? _

_ Rhysand and Feyre are at their townhouse. Amren is at her apartment with Verian. Mor is visiting her friend in the Winter Court. Cassian and Azriel are in the camps. They will all return tonight.  _

_ Oh. Will we see them?  _

_ Only if you don't want to. We have been invited to a dinner tonight.  _

_ I… I'm not sure I'm ready to face them. We didn't part as friends after the war with Hybern. _

Hanna smiles at me, but it is a sad smile. I feel her hesitation and pity through our bond.  _ I understand, but it won't be as bad as you think. You're my mate. You are welcome here. It is in the past, Tamlin. Where do you think I got the lecture about living in the past? _

I raise my eyebrow.  _ Who told you that? _

_ Rhysand. I came back here after our… fight. He reminded me of that. Cassian wanted me to castrate you, but I wanted to give you a chance instead. _

I can't help but laugh.  _ I'm glad I was spared your wrath. Thank you.  _

_ Cauldron knows I can still hand you your ass on a plate. _

The House of Wind looms over us as we approach. Hanna leads me to a balcony on the upper floors. We land gracefully, and my muscles sigh with relief when I vanish the wings. 

We are in a large room open to the air. The center of the room is empty save for a circle marked with white paint. A rack of practice swords leans against the nearest pillar. Various chairs and couches, all built to fit wings, are scattered about the room. “This is where we come to train. My rooms are on the floor below.”

Hanna leads me into the shadowy interior and down a stone staircase descending into the mountain. A hallway stretches ahead, doors lining both sides. “This is the floor my legion uses when we are in the city. None of them are here now. We have a lunch date with them in a few hours.”

The room is bright from the sunlight pouring through the tall windows. An enormous bed fills the space, the canopy a bright red. Bookshelves line the walls, all crammed to bursting with various sizes of books. I see titles about military tactics and romance novels sharing shelf space. The floor is the same stone as the walls. 

Hanna strolls across the room to a wardrobe in the corner. She opens it to reveal tunics and pants, mostly reds and black. She peels off her leathers and dresses herself in a fine black tunic and pants. “I don’t like to wear my armor all the time,” she chuckles. 

I smile at her as I study her bookshelves. “You have a wide variety here.”

She joins me at the shelf. “Do you like to read?”

“When my duties allow me to, yes. I have never seen so many books though. Where did you get them all?”

“Some I inherited from my parents, but most I bought when I moved up here on my own. Times were… hard when the city was locked down. It was a relief to escape reality once in awhile.”

I take my mate’s hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. “We will have to expand the collection we have at the Spring Court.”

Hanna’s smile widens at this. “Don’t tell me that. I’ll be bringing new books home every day. You'll have to build a new study.”

“We can convert some of the rooms into a library for you, if you like.” 

“I'd like that.”

I take “Where do you get so many books?”

“There is a large selection of shops here in Velaris. My father and mother had both been collecting since they were young. When I moved here, their housewarming gift was most of their collection.” Hanna runs her hand lovingly down one of the books.

Her grief seeps through the bond. I stroke her cheek, brushing a lock of hair out of her face. “Hey, are you alright?”

Hanna nods and throws her arms around my neck. I wrap her into my embrace and kiss her. She bites my lip, drawing a groan from me. Hanna pushes me until my legs meet her bed. We tumble onto the soft mattress. 

An hour later, Hanna stirs beside me. “We are going to be late. Come on, love.”

After we dress, I allow Hanna to drag me out of the room and back to the balcony. She wraps her arms around me and launches us into the sky to descend to the streets below. We land in front of a cafe that has tables both inside and outside. Three Illyrian females sit gathered at one of the outdoor tables. 

“Hanna!” One of the females waves enthusiastically at my mate. Both of them wear the same wide smiles. Hanna releases my hand and runs towards her friend. They embrace one another and the rest of the gathered Illyrians clap Hanna on the back. I cannot make out much of what is being said until four sets of eyes turn towards where I stand. 

My mate beckons me over. “Tamlin, don't be shy. Come meet my friends.”

I plaster a polite smile on my face and approach my mate. She introduces me to the females. Her second in command, Ellie. Her shadowsinger and spy, Katherine, and Emery, the third in command and her link between the female legion and other Illyrians. 

Hanna gives me more information down the bond.  _ Kat was found as a small child by Azriel, and he brought her here to be raised by a High Fae family. She trained with him more than Cassian, but she is a fully trained warrior. Emery works to maintain our relationships with the other Illyrians since her father is the leader of a war camp most friendly to our cause. Most of our recruits come from his camp. She is the only one of us considered “pure-blooded.” _

_ What about Ellie? _

_ Ellie… she is special. None of us know much about her past. I don’t know if she doesn’t remember it or just refuses to speak of it, but it’s her choice. She is my best friend.  _

_ It sounds like you are more of a family than a legion. _

_ You could say that. We stay together because of the bonds of friendship and loyalty rather than obedience. While we are bound by the laws of the Night Court, we may come and go as we please. Rhysand gave us more freedom than any other legion.  _

_ I admit, I find this very unusual. _

Hanna smirks.  _ An entire group of female Illyrians trained for combat and serving in the High Lord’s armies is very unusual. We aren’t the best, but anyone who needs a place and a family will find it here. _

I squeeze my mate's hand.  _ It is admirable you were so successful at leading this legion for so long. You are amazing, Hanna.  _

_ Thank you.  _

The females continue to chatter amongst themselves, occasionally studying me with sidelong glances. I keep my focus fixed on my mate and on the dishes of food brought out by a lesser faerie hostess, but I can feel the curiosity of the females growing. Hanna rolls her eyes after Ellie shoots us a pointed look for the tenth time. “Ellie, just ask what you want to ask. You’re driving me nuts!” 

Ellie flashes Hanna a dazzling smile. “Well, I didn’t want to be rude, you know.” She turns to me. “So, are you really High Lord of the Spring Court?”

Hanna lets out an exasperated sigh. I can’t help but chuckle at her reaction. “Yes, I am.”

Ellie smiles warmly at me. She nudges Hanna with her elbow. “Look at you moving up in the world. You go from a bastard born Illyrian to Lady of the Spring Court.”

Hanna chuckles. “The Mother gave me wings for a reason.”

The others laugh as well. Ellie turns to me once more. “So, Tamlin, how do you like Velaris?” 

The female’s smile is contagious. “It’s the most beautiful place I have ever been. I've never seen a city so full of joy and life. My lands have no cities this large, so it's very exciting to be here.”

Ellie’s eyebrows shoot up. “You don't live in a city?”

Hanna shakes her head. “No, we live in an estate in the country. It's very quiet there. Very peaceful.” Katherine smirks at this. Hanna turns to the shadowsinger and lifts one eyebrow. “No, Kat. I'm not getting  _ tame. _ ”

I feel Hanna brush against my mental shields.  _ I forgot to tell you that Kat can’t speak. After her camp leader discovered she was a shadowsinger, he cut out her tongue so she wouldn’t be able to spill his dirty secrets. As she was female, he wouldn’t allow her to train. Fortunately, she is also a daementi. It allows her to communicate mind to mind, but she will only speak with the others in the legion or the Inner Circle. _

I feel a surge of pity for the golden-haired warrior. She smiles at me, and I wink at Kat. “Hanna would argue that she is the one taming me.”

The laughter of Hanna's comrades echoes from the buildings. Before anyone can speak again, all eyes turn to look behind me. I feel Hanna stiffen beside me as a cocky male voice says, “Don't tell me one of you managed to tell a good joke?”

I curl my lip at the mocking tone in the voice. I feel Hanna’s annoyance.  _ It’s only Cassian.  _ All the females greet the newcomer with polite nods. Hanna raises her eyebrows. In an equally arrogant voice, she says, “Go away, Cassian. This is a  _ girl's _ night. No one invited you.”

Cassian scoffs. I feel his gaze turn to me, studying me. “Your mate is here. Last I checked, he wasn’t a female.”

Hanna’s tone becomes light and playful, but I hear the menacing edge under it. “He isn't an insufferable prick like you are. I invited him to join us. Go away.”

I feel Cassian walk around the table. Metal scrapes against the stones as he flops into an empty chair across the table from me. I meet his penetrating hazel gaze, refusing to break eye contact. Ellie rolls her eyes and mutters under her breath about males and territorial nonsense.

The Illyrian warrior keeps his tone neutral as he speaks to me. “The last time I saw you was at the battle. You seem to have recovered well.” I almost choke on my surprise. 

Polite. I have to be polite. This is Hanna's family. I want a chance to mend things between us, between our Courts, for her… well, here it is. “Yes, we have. My lands are at peace again. You seem to have recovered from your injuries as well. My sentries still speak of the bravery you showed on the battlefield.”

I feel a glimmer of surprise from my mate before the warmth of her happiness comes through.  _ Thank you. _

I squeeze her fingers again. Cassian studies me for a few more moments before saying, “It seems Hanna is having an effect on you. You seem almost…  _ tame. _ ” I snarl at him in response.  _ Insufferable prick.  _ Cassian just laughs before turning to Hanna. “We are having a dinner tonight at the House. Just the Inner Circle, but we may have room for a few more. Are you coming?”

Hanna’s voice fills my mind.  _ Do you want to go? We would have to see the others.  _

_ Is it wise to go? _

_ It wouldn't be a problem. They know we are in the city. I'm sure it wasn't Cassian’s idea to invite us.  _

_ I… we can try. _

Hanna smiles at her mentor. “Sure, we’ll be there, as long as you don't eat all of the food again. Now, go away.”

Cassian gasps and clutches his chest in mock pain. “Hanna, you wound me. Are you learning to wield your tongue instead of a sword? I know the southern lands are more… peaceful than here. Surely you aren’t losing your edge?” 

I feel Hanna’s hurt at his cutting words, his demeaning tone. He is hitting her in the pride. I feel a growl building in my chest. She lays her hand on mine to calm the rage boiling inside of me. This is her fight. “Careful, Cassian. You're starting to sound pathetic.” Though she keeps her voice amused, I can sense the bite behind the words. 

Cassian raises his eyebrows. He didn’t miss the repressed anger either. “I’m surprised you’re still allowed to carry your weapons.” Those hazel eyes look from me to my mate. I growl at him. 

The other females gape at Cassian. Hanna’s frayed temper snaps as she throws back her chair. I can feel the fury and hurt roiling around in her through the bond. “What the hell are you implying, Cassian?”

The general springs to his feet, shooting another pointed look in my direction. “You know exactly what I mean.”

“Go to hell, Cassian!” Hanna snarls. 

Cassian smirks. “Testy, testy.”

“Shut the hell up, you prick! We’re trying to have a good time. Go away!” I get to my feet as well, bristling at the male. Family or not, I will shred him. Hanna places her hand on my arm. Cassian’s grin widens.

The Illyrian examines his nails. “I don't think so, Hanna. You see, I think you've gotten soft. I think you've let your new position go to your head.” 

Hanna flinches at his words. Ellie slaps Cassian’s arm. “What the hell, Cass?” 

Cassian ignores the blow. “You’re getting cocky, Hanna. You’ve changed. I don’t like it.”

“Oh? I’m the cocky one, huh? Did you ever think I learned it from you? I don’t live my life for your approval! And I’m not getting soft!”

“Just because you're a Lady now doesn't mean you're better than me. If I have to, I’ll knock you on your ass to deflate that ego.”

Hanna snarls at the male. She is angry, very angry. “Let's go. Now.”

Cassian smirks. “House of Wind?”

“Of course.” 

He glances at me once again, as if remembering I am there. “Don't worry, High Lord,I won't bruise her up too badly.” I only snarl at him in response. 

He launches himself into the sky. I turn to my mate. Her fury is still written across her face.  _ What the hell was all of that about? _

Hanna sighs and shakes her head.  _ Forget it. I’ll explain later.  _

All of the others turn to Hanna, their eyes blazing. Ellie says to Hanna. “Go. Knock him on his ass and show him you’ll never be tamed. You’re a warrior, Hanna. Nothing will tame you, nothing will cool that fire in your blood.”

I extend my hand to my mate. She smiles at her friends before we winnow into the air above the House of Wind. Hanna glides to the balcony of the training room. Cassian is already there, a practice sword in his hand. He greets us with an arrogant smile.   
I take a seat in one of the chairs as my mate stalks across the room and grabs a weapon. I can’t tell where her anger begins and mine ends as she enters the circle and faces her mentor, sword raised.  _ Kick his ass, Hanna. _


	10. Hanna

Cassian's words still sting. I know I should blow them off, let them go, but they still hurt. He hit me below the belt, and he knows I'm pissed off.

I glare at Cassian as I take my place across the circle from him. I feel Tamlin's tightly held temper. I thank the Cauldron he is smart enough to let me fight my own battles. I don't want to snap at him. My temper flares more easily these days. In fact, all of my moods have become more volatile.

I push every thought from my head and sink into an icy calm. I keep a scowl on my face. Let Cassian think I'm still furious enough to be reckless, stupid. "Come on, Hanna, I don't have all day," he drawls. He flashes that cocky, insufferable grin. I charge at him, keeping my guard open.

Cassian steps to the left, towards my exposed side. I turn, stepping around him. I see his eyes widen in surprise as I swing my foot out and trip him. Cassian stumbles, but he manages to recover himself. I feel my mate radiating approval and pride as he observes, but I block out the bond, block out everything but this fight.

Cassian charges at me, his sword arcing towards my head. I duck and jump out of the way, avoiding the blade. We continue dancing around each other, neither of us gaining an advantage over the other, until I misjudge a move and Cassian's blade hits me in the head.

Stars swim in my vision as my head connects with the floor. I struggle to get air into my lungs. Cassian presses his blade against my chest. "Do you yield?"

_ Think, think. _ I know how to get out of this. He is baiting me, challenging me. I only have one shot to get this right. I hang my head, feigning submission. Cassian chuckles and lowers his blade a fraction of an inch. I lash out with my legs, tangling mine with his. 

Cassian lets out a grunt of surprise as he crashes to the ground.

I leap to my feet and kick his blade away. I plant my foot on his chest and hold my practice sword to his neck. He struggles beneath me, but I press the blade in deeper. "Get it through your thick skull! You do not dictate how I live my life! I am not weak, Cassian. I will knock you on your ass over and over to prove it."

Cassian glares at me before a wide grin spreads across his face. I step off of him and he gets to his feet. "I'm glad you haven't forgotten."

I ignore him and storm off to where my mate is sitting in one of the chairs. I toss the practice blade off to the side. I want smash that grin off Cassian's face. Tamlin's voice comes through the bond, and I hear hesitation in his tone. Is he wary of me?  _ Remind me never to piss you off. I'm afraid you would emasculate me in front of my entire Court. _

I chuckle at him, my ire vanishing at the sight of Tamlin's brilliant smile. "You don't have to worry about that. I could take you down in seconds. With my eyes closed. No one would even know what had happened."

Tamlin laughs and wraps his arms around my waist as I stop in front of him. I lean down and plant a kiss on his lips. "I don't doubt it."

"Get a room you two!" Cassian calls from across the training ring. I give him a vulgar gesture.

"Shove off, you prick!" I snap. "You're just mad you aren't getting any action." I hear Azriel choke a laugh into a cough behind me. Tamlin shakes his head and grins. I shrug and perch myself on Tamlin's lap. I almost purr when he begins rubbing my back. "So are we still invited to dinner or is the offer moot since I kicked your ass?"

Cassian flashes me a wicked grin that I ignore.  _ Jeez! Why am I so angry? _ "I don't know if I can count that as a win. Azriel might tell everyone that my student beat me, but you only did by playing dirty."

The sound of footsteps draws our attention to the doorway. Bronze hair and a shimmering blue gown catch the sunlight. Cassian's expression changes as Nesta Archeon enters the training room.

"Are you whining again, Cassian?" Her voice is cool.

Cassian tenses and curls his lip. "I never whine. I'm just giving Hanna a lesson in proper fighting."

Nesta's steely gaze turns to me and Tamlin. I meet her eyes without flinching. Nesta has always put me on edge. I thank the Cauldron she is not trained in combat. She would be a formidable opponent if she honed that hardness and fire into battle fury.

I dip my head to her in greeting. "It's good to see you well, Nesta."

She ignores me and focuses on my mate. Her voice is icy and flat. "What is  _ he _ doing here?"

"They're here as guests," Cassian drawls. "This is as much Hanna's home as it is ours and as Tamlin is her mate…"

Nesta's eyes narrow at the word  _ mate _ . She studies us with that hard, cold expression. Before she can speak, I cut in. "As Tamlin is my mate and part of this family, he is not to be harmed by any member of the Night Court. The laws of our land dictate that I would be well within my rights to kill anyone who breaks that law."

Nesta glares for a moment and stalks out of the room. I feel Tamlin relax a little bit.  _ We can go if my being here is going to cause too much tension. _

I grip his fingers in my own.  _ You are a part of this family now. They will grow used to you. Would you prefer to go home? _

Tamlin studies my face. I feel his hesitation briefly before he answers. _ I… I'm going to go back. Check on things. It has been a long time since I left my lands for this long and I don't want to return to a wasteland. _

_ Alright, darling. I think I will stay for dinner then I will return home. It has been a long time since I have seen everyone, and I would like to catch up. _

Tamlin raises my hand to his lips and plants a kiss on my fingers.  _ Are you sure you won't kill Cassian? _

_ Yes, why? _

_ You seem on edge today, that's all. Well, enjoy yourself, love. _

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I glance around the table, smiling at my friends. Cassian roars with laughter at a joke Rhysand just told. Feyre and Mor are talking about the dance they are going to tonight. Azriel and I exchange some talk about life in the Spring Court and Velaris. Amren chose to stay home.

After the meal, Cassian brings out a bottle of wine he smuggled from the cellar of the townhouse. Rhysand protests the abuse of his vintage bottles, but Cassian brushes him off and fills enough glasses for us all.

"To the new Lady of the Spring Court," Cassian says with a wink and raises his glass to mine. I shoot him a mock glare before clinking our glasses together. I brush off the animosity towards him as too much stress.

"To the student defeating the master," I joke and wink at my mentor. Roars of laughter surround us as Cassian makes a rude gesture in my direction. Even Azriel's face turns up in a smile.

After another hour and several more glasses of wine, I rise to say my goodbyes. My head spins from the alcohol but I manage to make it outside without falling off the balcony. I glance up at the night sky, drinking in the colors of the aurora shining down. This place will always be my first home, but… I smile as I gather my power to winnow to my new home, to my mate.

I land on the gravel drive just outside the gates of the estate. My sense go on high alert when I notice the usual sentries are missing. A foul stench permeates the air. Footsteps crunch on the rocks behind me. I whirl around, reaching for my blade when a heavy force knocks into me. My reflexes are dull from the alcohol.

I lose my footing and land hard on the ground, the gravel digging into me. The air leaves my chest with a mighty whoosh. I struggle to breathe as a figure looms over me. I reach out to my mate in desperation.  _ Tamlin! I'm out by the gates! Hurry! _

I lash out with my feet, but the figure steps out of the way. My movements are slow and uncoordinated.  _ Cauldron boil me! _ I see his wide, toothy grin in the moonlight.

I feel the glass doors of the study shatter as the noise echoes across the grounds. A roar fills the night as Tamlin's beast form rips from his skin. He tears across the grounds.

The flurry of activity from the manor draws the stranger's attention for a moment. I use his distraction to clamber to my feet and draw my blade. My head still spins, but I manage to block the blow from the stanger's blade. Tamlin charges through the gates, ripping them from their hinges.

The undiluted wrath in Tamlin's eyes would send the mightiest enemy into hysterics, but the strange male only smiles again. I slowly lift my blade into a more defensive position.

My mate snarls quietly, crouching low to the ground. Both males move in the same heartbeat. Tamlin barrels into the stranger, knocking him away from me. I use the opportunity to retreat towards the gate.

The stranger regains his footing in a moment. He moves with lightning speed and sends my mate flying with a single blow. The look of frustration transforms into a satisfied smirk that shakes me to my core.

My eyes are drawn to the bottomless, black pits where the stranger’s eyes should be. Every muscle in my body freezes as our gazes lock. My blade falls to the ground. I hear Tamlin clambering to his feet to launch another attack.

Every thought is driven from my mind as the male gets closer. Even the bond seems to vanish into the darkness filling my mind. A cold hand touches my shoulder, and I am whipped away on a rotting night wind.

I hear Tamlin unleash a roar before I am swallowed up completely.


	11. Tamlin

The moment Hanna’s panic rushes down the bond, every careful tether on my rage snaps. My beast form rips through my skin, and I charge through the study doors, scattering the shattered glass. My paws tear the soft dirt apart as I race towards the gates, towards my mate. 

_ Protect, protect, protect.  _

A snarl of pure bestial fury rips through my throat at the sight that greets me. Hanna blocks blow after blow from the stranger, but she is not in fighting form. I sense the fuzziness of her mind behind her fear. The stranger and I glare at each other for a moment before we lunge for each other. A heavy blow strikes me in the side, sending me flying through the trees. 

My breath escapes my chest as I come to a stop against a tree. I hear Hanna shout my name.  _ Protect, protect, protect.  _ My instincts take over, but my body refuses to obey. I struggle to my feet and charge back towards the gates. My mate’s face is wide with panic, but she makes no move to flee from the stranger. Their eyes meet, and she stiffens. 

The male glances at me for a moment, a wide smirk on his face, before he lays his hand on Hanna’s shoulder. Both of them vanish in the span of a heartbeat. I reach for the bond to see if my mate is harmed, but there is only silence in my mind. 

I cannot feel the shields of mountain pine and stone. I cannot feel the bridge of vines and light between our minds. I cannot feel… anything. 

Panic floods through me. I desperately search every corner of my mind, but I cannot find a trace of Hanna or the bond. It is as if… she never existed. As if we never mated or accepted our bond. 

I want to sink to my knees and beg the Cauldron, the Mother, anyone to help, but… I refuse to allow this stranger to break me. I need to find Hanna. I need to find out who this stranger is. There is only one place I need to go for help. 

In the grass along the fence, I find the sentires that were on duty laying in the grass with their throats slit. The sight settles like a weight in my stomach.  _ Think. One step at a time. Figure out a plan. Find Hanna, find out who the stranger is. You need help…  _

A small growl escapes at the thought of returning to Velaris, but I have to save my mate. I can’t do it alone. I inform one of the sentries on duty what happened before winnowing to the City of Starlight. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________

I land in the square at the foot of the House of Wind. I gaze up at the imposing mountain, the lights from its windows twinkling. Streaks of color weave their way across the vivid night sky. I am mesmerized by the sight. Small sounds of the city reach my ears.

A moment before a dagger presses against my throat, the shadows press against me. I hear a male voice inches from my ear as the blade digs into my neck. I freeze. “What are you doing here?” The voice belongs to Azriel, the other Illyrian in Rhysand’s Inner Circle. 

“I need help,” I say quietly. 

Azriel doesn’t remove the blade. “What happened?”

“Hanna was taken the moment she arrived in the Spring Court. Some… kind of creature ambushed her. He winnowed with her before I could stop him.”

The cold metal vanishes. I turn to watch the spymaster. He gestures for me to follow with a jerk of his head. We climb the stairs of the House, and Azriel leads me through a door into what appears to be a war room of some kind. The others are already here. They must have been alerted to my arrival the moment I appeared.

I check my mental shields as I see Rhysand, in his usual black tunic and pants, pacing. Cassian leans against the pillar. His eyes shift to me the moment Azriel leads me in the room, shooting a glowering look at me. Two females, one with black hair and the other with golden locks, I don’t know sit talking in chairs. My breath hitches a bit when I see…  _ her.  _

Rhysand turns to his spymaster and nods. Those violet eyes pin me to the spot. “What the hell happened?” he demands.

Before I can respond, the Illyrian draws back his fist and punches me in the jaw. I catch myself on the table. “You incompetent fool!” he shouts. “How could you let her get taken?”

“Cassian, that is  _ enough _ !” The strength in Feyre’s voice is enough to check the Illyrian warrior. She steps forward and pulls my hand away from the bruise already forming on my cheek. “I'm so sorry, Tamlin. Most of us haven't forgotten our manners. May I heal that for you?”

I shake my head at her. I don't want her touching me. Cauldron knows seeing her is enough to set my mind spinning, mating bond or not. I shoot the Illyrian a withering look. “No it's fine. Thank you, Feyre.”

Cassian huffs out a sigh and moves to a large armchair across the room. The High Lord repeats his question. 

“Hanna was ambushed the moment she arrived at the manor. I have no idea who took her, but he was waiting for her. I… I couldn't stop him in time.”

Feyre glances at me with sadness in her eyes. “We have to find her.”

I smile a bit at the High Lady. “Whatever took her was not a creature I have ever encountered before.”

“What do you know about it?” one of the females across the room asks. 

_ Amren.  _ The smaller of the females approaches me, and I recognize her immediately. Her black hair and silver eyes draw attention to her face. I keep my voice respectful, something I have not worried about in centuries, as I explain about the stench and wrongness of the creature. 

Amren sighs. “It seems the Illyrians always draw trouble.” She shakes her head and turns back to me. “We all know that when there is a rip in the fabric of our world, there is a chance that a creature from a different one can slip into ours.” Everyone turns to the small female. “The texts mention creatures that come from dark and cold worlds devoid of any light.”

Cassian chuckles. “It's a wonder it isn't wandering our lands. It's cold and dark enough here in the winter.”

Amren and Rhysand glare at the Illyrian. “They actually crave the warmth and light of our world. If someone was foolish enough to open a portal and summon one of them here, it could be bound to do one’s bidding in exchange for help remaining here.”

Rhysand asks, “Do these creatures have a name?”

“One name I found mentioned was Valg.”

I feel dumbfounded. The name brings back memories of a darkened night in Hybern’s war camp. “Are… Are you sure?” I ask. 

Amren glares at me. “Of course I'm sure,  _ High Lord. _ ” 

I ignore the bite in her tone, my mind still reeling. “It’s only… Hybern mentioned that name several times, but I never actually saw one of the creatures. It was hard to miss the stench, but... “ I shake my head to clear it. “He was gloating about summoning a powerful ally. He was weakened from the ritual, but he was happier than I had seen him before. No traces of the creature were found after the war.”

Azriel turns to me. “I'll have my spies start scouring for any sign of the creature and Hanna. What does the body of the Valg look like?”

I describe the High Fae body the Valg appeared in. “He also feels… wrong. He has the scent of something rotting. Warn your spies not to look in the creature’s eyes. That’s how he trapped my mate.” 

Azriel nods and walks to the balcony. He launches himself into the air, forcing a mighty breeze into the room. Cassian sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “So, what are we going to do?”

Rhysand shrugs. “There really isn’t much we can do exhausted and with no leads. The creature could have taken her anywhere. I suggest we turn in for the night and start fresh in the morning.”

Desperate anger flares up inside of me. “We can’t just… Hanna needs our help!”

“I know that, Tamlin!” Rhysand barks. “I would be frantic. I understand, but you will be no help to her if you collapse from exhaustion. Can you feel her through the bond?”

His words remind me… remind me that… the bond… I shake my head. “No, I haven’t been able to feel her since the Valg took her?”

Both the High Lord and Lady gape at me for a moment. “What do you mean?”

“The bond has been… quiet. It’s as if never existed, but I know Hanna isn’t dead,” I say with more certainty than I feel. Suddenly, I feel so heavy and sink into the nearest chair. 

“Why don’t you stay here, Tamlin?” Feyre offers. “You’re exhausted, and it’ll be easier than winnowing back and forth. We have empty rooms on the floor below.” 

I nod. Feyre smiles at me. She gives me directions to the room. After bidding me good night, Rhysand scoops her into his arms and they vanish into the night. The other two females, Mor and Amren, are gone. I turn towards the door. 

“Do you really love her?”

Cassian’s question stops me in my tracks. The Illyrian has his back to me, but his shoulders are tense. When I don’t answer, he turns to face me. His expression is impossible to read. “Do you love her?”

“Yes, I really do love her.”

Cassian stalks across the room and stops in front of me. I refuse to drop his gaze. “I know the others are accepting you for Hanna’s sake, but I haven’t forgotten what my High Lady looked like when she first came here. I haven’t forgotten who was responsible for that.”

I curl my lip at him. “What are you implying?” 

Cassian glares at me. “Rhysand has made me promise to not harm you for what happened with Feyre, but I will swear to you that if anything like that happens to Hanna I  _ will  _ kill you. Promise or no promise.”

“I don’t have to defend myself to you,” I snarl at him.

Cassian steps closer, inches from my face. “I don’t give a shit if she is your mate. I don’t give a shit if you are a High Lord. I rescued her from a horrible fate. I trained her and had a part in raising her. I had to stand by, helpless, as she went through things that no one, especially not a young female, should go through. Get this through your head, if you harm her, I  _ will  _ rip you apart.”

I refuse to back down. My voice is quiet with fury. “Get this through  _ your _ thick skull: She is my mate. She is my Lady. I love her, and I would tear the world apart for her. I would destroy myself, heart and soul, for her. I will stop at nothing to ensure she is safe and happy.  I have no intention of repeating my mistakes. So  _ back off. _ ”

Cassian studies me for a few moments before nodding. “I'm glad we understand each other. Keep her happy, Tamlin. She deserves it.”

I watch the Illyrian walk to the balcony and fly into the night. I make my way to the guest room and immediately sink to the mattress. Sleep claims me in a brutal blow. 


	12. Hanna

**_Hanna_ **

_ The soft sounds of rustling awaken me. Footsteps pounding through the ground near my head. The sighing of clothes rubbing together. The crack of a twig under a heavy boot. I sit up and lift the flap of my rough tent. A winged figure bends over my cache of food, shoveling the stew I had been cooking into its mouth. I slide out of my tent on silent feet and approach the male. He turns, his eyes wide. Anger wells up inside of me. This is  _ my  _ food,  _ my  _ hard work. Lashing out, I grab the young Illyrian by the throat.  _

 

_ I watch my fingers curl around the neck of the young male in front of me. His brown eyes widen in fear. I squeeze tighter and tighter until it seems his eyes will bulge from their sockets. The male makes choking sounds, his breath coming in ragged gasps, as he claws desperately at my hands and arms with his own blood-crusted nails.  _

 

_ My initial fury morphs into something akin to pleasure as his struggles grow weaker and weaker, as the life slowly drains from his eyes. The rasps from his crushed throat gasp out in shallower and shallower breaths. His eyes widen even further as I press my hands tighter against his throat until the dirty nails scratching at me make one final attempt to push me away.  _

 

_ His eyes glaze over and focus on the sky above as his legs give one final spasm and he falls dead under my hands. The moment the male’s last breath leaves his chest, the realisation of what just happened hits me like a punch to the gut. Horror and shame flood through me. I drop the body and push it away.  _

 

_ Tears leak from my eyes as I stare down at the young Illyrian male in front of me. His bound wings shine in the light of my dying fire. I push his body to the edge of the clearing and slink back into my tent, shivering. My appetite is gone. I spend the rest of the night staring at my hands in horror, sobs racking my body. “What have I done? What have I done?”  _

 

I wake up with a gasp, my breathing ragged. Firelight flickers across the stone ceiling of the room. Pain lances through my head as I turn to look towards the source of light. I see a torch through the small window high on the door... a cell then. 

 

The back of my head throbs. I try to sit up, but the room spins. I reach for the mating bond, but I feel nothing. No bridge between our minds, no emotions other than my own rising panic, and no… Tamlin. A choked sob escapes my throat as tears leak down my cheeks. 

I piercing scream echoes off the stones, sending a shiver down my spine. I pull myself into a sitting position, every muscle in my body protesting the movement. Trying to calm my racing thoughts, I lean against the stone wall. My wings ache from several scrapes on them. I will myself to my feet, stretching out my wings. Bile rises in my throat, and I race to a corner of my cell and empty my stomach into the bucket there.

 

I return to the middle of the cell, pushing down my panic. It won’t do me any good. I need to get out of this place, and I won’t do that if I don’t remain calm. The movements are awkward, but I slide into the familiar pattern of my basic warm-up exercises. The soreness in my body melts away as I move. My mind stills. I lean against the wall, panting, with a small, satisfied smile.  _ Good job, Hanna. Now, listen and gather information.  _

 

I allow my senses to extend past the cell. I hear the sounds of sobbing and groans of pain. The hushed voices of guards, the crackling of torches, the rustling of armor, the grinding of a weapon sharpening stone. The scents of waste, fear, sweat, and strange food reaches my nose. A new sound reaches my ears over the other sounds of the dungeon. Casual, strolling footsteps. 

 

That scent again… that foul, rotting stench permeates the air. Primal, raw terror pulses through me. I rise to my feet again, bracing myself against the wall. Black eyes peek at me through the bars on my door. A feral smile spreads across that flawless face.

 

I seal my mind off as the locks click open. The strange male enters the cell, leaning casually against the doorway. He gives me an appreciative glance, his gaze roving up and down my body. That sinister smile widens. 

 

“You're a pretty one, aren't you?” His voice is hollow and smug and full of an ancient malice. I swallow my fear down. 

 

I fold my own arms across my chest. I plaster an arrogant grin on my own face, despite the terror roaring through me. “Every male who sees me thinks that will work on me. I know I'm beautiful. Too bad the same can't be said for you.”

 

The male grins wider. “Your tongue is sharp. I wonder how you would fare without it.”

 

I roll my eyes with false bravado. “Is this going to be a monologue where you threaten unending torment on me? I’ve heard it all before. You’re here for some nefarious purpose, I will suffer anguish beyond anything in my imagination, so on and so forth. Am I missing anything?”

 

The grin lowers into a deathly glare. “Watch your tongue, young Illyrian, or lose it. I only have so much patience for your quips.” 

 

I pretend to examine my nails, wrinkling my nose at the dirt underneath of them. “Yes, yes. I know, I know. What do I owe the pleasure of this visit?”

 

A humorless, icy chuckle freezes my blood. “I came to examine you, my prize, my new pet. It was hard to get to you with that pesky High Lord always mooning over you.”

 

_ Tamlin.  _ “I don't even know who the hell you are…  _ what  _ you are.” 

 

The male laughs again. “It is unimportant. You are here to serve a purpose, and that is all you need to know.”

 

I shrug and examine my nails once more. I hope that this… thing cannot hear my heart galloping in my chest. “What a breath of fresh air! Finally, a bad guy that isn’t going to spill his master plan.” 

 

“I sense your fear, little warrior,” the male coos. “It will take over eventually, and I will be waiting to watch you break when it does.”

 

I force myself to stare into those empty eyes and lift my chin. “You won't break me.”

 

The male approaches me, stopping an arm’s length from me. A pale hand reaches out and strokes my cheek. I shiver with revulsion at the contact. His eyes moved down my body, stopping on my midsection. “Oh, I think I will. And it will be so much fun.”

 

My hand instinctively covers my belly. The creature’s breath tickles my face as he chuckles. He turns and exits the cell, the door slamming behind him. I sink to the floor, hiding my face in my hands. This is much worse than I thought. 

  
_ Tamlin…  _ I beg the silent bond.  _ Tamlin, please, hurry and find me. We need your help.  _


	13. Tamlin

**Tamlin**

I am back in my manor. The sound of children laughing draws me to the gardens. In the spring sunshine, my breathtaking mate laughs as two young…

 

The sight of two young Illyrians steals my breath away. All three females turn towards me, one set of brown eyes and two sets of… vivid green. I sink to my knees as the two young girls race to me. 

 

“Daddy!” one of them shrieks as she throws her arm around me. “Daddy! Come play with us.”

 

I allow myself to be led into the gardens where I embrace my mate, examining her closely. She gives me a confused smile. “Tamlin, what's wrong?”

 

“I'm… just pleased to see you,” I lie smoothly.  _ This is a dream. It has to be a dream.  _ “What are you girls up to?” 

 

One of the girls begins wailing. Hanna scoops up the crying child. “Holli, Holli, hush now, darling.”

 

“Rhea hit me!” Holli hiccups between sobs. 

 

The other girl stamps her foot. “I did not! I didn’t touch her, Mommy!” 

 

Hanna turns to Rhea, her face stern. Holli looks over her shoulder and smirks at me. I freeze in place as her green eyes change to black. The child’s voice fills my mind, mocking and malicious.  _ Daddy, why did you leave us? Why don’t you come save Mommy? This will only ever be a dream unless you help her.  _

 

Someone calling my name from far away pulls me from the dream. My eyes fly open to Feyre standing over me, her eyes brimming with concern. “Are you alright?”

 

My body is shaking as I sit up. “Yes, I am. Bad dream.” 

 

Feyre studies me with her brilliant blue eyes. Looking at her doesn’t hurt as much as I thought. I feel the regret, I feel the grief, but it does not consume me anymore. The words leap out of my mouth before I can stop them. “You seem to be filling your role of High Lady quite well.”

 

Her mouth pops open before she schools her features into a warm smile. “Thank you, Tamlin. You seem happy…”

 

“I am. I really am happy.”

 

“Good, you deserve to find happiness. Hanna could not have mated with a finer male.” I don’t respond, her compliment stunning me into silence. With a shake of her head, Feyre turns towards the door. “Azriel is back. Come join us for breakfast,” she offers before leaving the room. 

 

As I rise to my feet, straightening my rumpled clothes, I feel a whisper of the bond through my mind. I tug on it, but I do not enter her mind as usual. Instead,  I see a flash of a stone wall and a metal door. I can feel her though. She is unharmed and alive, but Hanna doesn’t respond to my calls. 

 

With a resigned sigh, I exit the room and find my way back to the war room. The others are there, gathered around a table loaded with plates. After greeting the others, I grab food at random and begin eating. Rhysand kisses Feyre on the cheek before turning to me. “Azriel’s spies weren’t able to find any sign of Hanna, but there have been reports of increased activity near the Mountain.”

 

His words cause me to pause. “What do you mean?”

 

“My spies have reported seeing faeries entering the tunnels leading to Under the Mountain. Anyone who gets too close is never heard from again… until their bodies turn up in the forest reeking of death and rot.” Azriel’s voice is quiet. “It would be safe to assume that’s where the Valg is hiding.”

 

I nod in agreement. “I felt Hanna this morning.” Every face brightens at this. “She hasn’t been harmed, but I still can’t contact her. All I saw was a flash of a cell of some kind.” 

 

Rhysand and Feyre exchange a pointed look. “There are cells Under the Mountain,” Feyre says, her voice small. “I think I know where we need to go.” 

 

Memories of the horrors from Under the Mountain come unbidden into my mind. The dark looks on Rhysand and Feyre’s face show they are experiencing a similar intrusion. Cassian shoots his High Lord a sharp look. “I’m going. We know where she is. Let’s go.” 

 

Amren chimes in. “We can’t just go tearing off into the Mountain. Cauldron knows what traps and other horrors that… thing has laid. We have to be careful.”

 

I rise to my feet, the plate clattering to the ground. Desperation seizes me, and I walk to the balcony of the House of Wind. The others call after me, but I ignore them as I summon the wings. I scent Cassian close behind me as I launch myself into the sky. 

 

Every sensible thought pours out of my head as my instincts take over. The realization barrels into me as I fly outside of the wards surrounding the house. The dream, Hanna’s odd behavior. It all makes sense now. My mate… she needs me now. More than she has ever needed me before. 

 

“Tamlin!” I hear Feyre call to me the moment before I winnow away. 


	14. Hanna

**Hanna**

 

Every moment in this place stretches into an eternity. I lose track of time as I doze in and out of sleep. The meager meals they bring me come at irregular intervals, so I have no way to keep track of time in this dark place. I continue to work my muscles every day… just in case I have a chance to escape. I cannot depend on my mate to come rescue me. 

 

The bond flickers to life every so often, but I cannot reach his mind. It tells me he is safe and alive. The flashes of desperation I feel from him tells me he is looking for me. I cling to the foolish, desperate hope that it gives me. I cling to it like a light in the sea of darkness I find myself surrounded by. 

 

Shadows come to haunt my every waking moment and pounce when I drift to sleep. I feel eyes boring into me as I move around the cell. I feel their malice and distaste, but I ignore it. The eyes of the Illyrian youth I killed during my Rite, the first kill I ever made. The eyes of my birth mother, whose death I could have prevented. Worst of all are the eyes of my adopted parents. All four of them watch me every moment of the day.

 

I drift into an uneasy sleep after a pitiful meal of moldy bread and limp vegetables, leaning against the freezing stones of the cell. I have come to dread sleeping because memories I thought long buried rush to the surface, fighting to show me their horrors. 

 

_ Velaris comes into view as I pass between two mountains. A broad smile spreads across my face at the sight of the city, my home. The sun reflects from the Sidra winding its way through the colorful buildings. I bank towards a broad street lined with several townhomes. _

 

_ I land in front of my parent’s house. My mother lifts her eyes to me as I push open the gate. Her eyes widen before she drops the basket of herbs and runs to me. I embrace her as she barrels into my chest. “Hanna! You’re home!” _

 

_ “Hello, Mother,” I whisper into her hair. She is so much smaller than I am. She kisses each of my cheeks before throwing her arms around me again. “It’s good to be home.” _

 

_ My mother grabs my hand and drags me into the house. I pick up her discarded basket and allow her to lead me to the kitchen. She shoves me down into one of the chairs. “Are you hungry, dear?” she asks, her worried eyes looking me up and down. “You must be exhausted.” _

_ “I am hungry,” I admit. “It was a long flight.” _

 

_ She shakes her head before turning to the cabinets. “I don’t know why you don’t just winnow there. It would save you so much time.” _

 

_ I shrug. “I enjoy the flight. It’s good for me.” _

 

_ My mother rolls her eyes as she throws together my favorite foods. She sets the plate down in front of me and begins cleaning the herbs from her garden. We exchange small talk as I wolf down the food. “Oh, Ellie and Kat stopped by this morning. They’re waiting at the House for your report.” _

 

_ I nod. “I’ll head up there after I take a nap.”  _

 

_ The now empty plate vanishes and reappears in the sink. “Have you had any luck?” _

 

_ Huffing a sigh, I answer, “No. Some of the camp leaders are getting it through their thick heads that females are going to start training, but the ones deeper in the mountains are… resistive. The High Lord has forbidden me from taking too drastic of action. Emery is working with her father to change their minds.” _

 

_ The door opens suddenly. My father strolls in, unbuckling his sword from his waist as he enters. His eyes immediately find mine, and a smile breaks across his face. I get to my feet and run to him. Strong, warm arms surround me as he embraces me. “Hanna, it’s good to see you home in one piece.” _

 

_ “I just went to check on the progress of the females training. There is hardly any danger.” _

 

_ My father gives me a stern look. “I’m afraid one of those camp lords will shred you. They aren’t exactly known for their patient and kind temperaments, daugher.” _

 

_ “I know, Daddy. I’m always careful.”  _

 

_ The embrace around me tightens. “That’s my good girl.” My mother approaches us and she is drawn into my father’s arms as well. “Go rest, Hanna. You look exhausted.” _

 

_ I kiss both of my parents before climbing the stairs to the top floor. The large bed against one wall calls to me, inviting me to sink into its soft depths. Exhaustion from the lack of sleep and the long flight drags me into a restful sleep.  _

 

_ A sense of foreboding rouses me from the depths of my dreams. Screaming and the sounds of cracking stone and shattering glass surround me. My eyes fly open, but the sounds do not disappear. Heavy footfalls land on the ceiling above me. I grab my sword and climb up the ladder to the roof. _

 

_ Horror stills my mind. The skies are filled with soldiers, but they are not Illyrians. They are ripping open the surrounding roofs, laughing at the fleeing faeries around them. I hear more screaming and the sounds of whistling blades. My instincts take over, and I launch myself at the attacking force. There will be time to wonder how and why later.  _

 

_ My blade dispatches two or three of the enemy soldiers before the rest can turn to see me standing there. I focus my attention on the ones butchering the residents on my street. The cobblestones turn red with their blood as I cut my way through the attackers with ease. My rage lends me strength.  _

 

_ I make my way towards the Sidra, killing every enemy that crosses my path. I use my Siphons to shield innocent civilians. Flashes of blue and red light up the sky, blocking large groups of the soldiers still in the sky. As I get closer to the river, I hear the howling and baying of hounds over the rushing of water.  _

 

_ As I turn onto a street facing the river, the sight of a large wave of blood-stained water washing away the enemies stops me in my tracks. The shapes of wolves appears in the water, forcing their way down the throat of any unlucky enemy that gets in the way. A few of the attackers launch themselves into the sky, but they turn to ice and shatter on the streets below.  _

 

_ A wave of darkness can be seen on the horizon. The High Lord approaches. I clear these thoughts from my head and take to the skies. More and more of the soldiers are escaping the defenders on the streets. I feel crackling power from the other side of the Sidra. That must be Amren, fighting to defend the far side of the city.  _

 

_ One shape stands out to me. It is larger than the others in the enemy host, and it carries a body in its arms. A broken, battered human body.  I fly towards it, hoping to save the woman, but the creature drops it. Glancing down, I see the High Lady staring in horror at the impaled figure. She sags after a few moments.  _

_ The creature gives Feyre a wicked smile. She vanishes and appears a moment later on the creature’s back. My attention turns to the group of soldiers streaking towards me. I engage and kill every single one of them. Darkness envelopes the entire area, and the sounds of battle fade into nothingness. I see Rhyand and Feyre in each other’s arms once the sunlight returns. Cassian and Azriel are flying towards them. Everything is okay for now.  _

 

_ The fire of battle drains out of me, leaving me feeling sore and shaking. I turn towards my parent’s street when… Panic grips me as I realize I haven’t seen either of my parents during the battle. A surge of strength sends me racing to the townhouse. I land on the street and… _

 

_ My knees bark in protest as they hit the blood-soaked cobblestones. The entire block has been leveled. I throw my sword to the ground and run to the rubble of my parent’s house. My mother would have taken refuge during the battle. She has to be alive. She has to be! _

 

_ I begin digging through the broken stones and shattered wood, looking for any sign of my mother. My nails break and bleed, but I ignore the pain. I have to find my mother! I have to find her! I have to! _

 

_ Strong hands on my shoulders pull me away. I push them off, desperation urging me to keep digging. I recognize Cassian’s scent as he wraps his arms around my waist and tugs me to my feet. “Hanna, stop. You're going to hurt yourself.” _

 

_ “No! I have to find her!” I cry. “Damn it, Cassian! Get off me!” _

 

_ Cassian tightens his grip. “She's gone,  Hanna. She was…” _

 

_ “GET OFF OF ME!” I scream at him. Hot tears pour down my face. With a last great effort, I jab my elbow back into his face. The arms around me loosen. I throw myself back into digging.  _

 

_ “Hanna, please. Come with me.” _

 

_ All at once, my entire body sags. Cassian pulls me to my feet, placing my arm over his shoulder. I stumble along, my knees shaking. He leads me away from the chaos and destruction towards the House of Wind.  _

 

_ No thoughts form in my head. A line of bodies catches my attention. The sight of my father’s blade, with its intricate carvings, sends me to my knees once more. Before I hit the ground, Cassian catches me. He scoops me into his arms, and launches us into the sky as blackness swallows me up. _

 

My eyes fly open. A ragged, gaping hole has opened in my chest. The memories I have carefully locked away for years… the guilt and sorrow that they bring out… 

 

A sinister chuckle sounds from the cell door. It opens on squeaking hinges and the strange male enters. I scramble to my feet, but he stops in the doorway and leans against it. “You have such delicious memories, dear one.”

 

I say nothing. Tears threaten to spill out of my eyes, but I blink them back. I cannot show weakness here. I sneer at the stranger. “Get out.”

 

The male enters my cell, approaching me. My blood freezes as he stops a foot away from me. Those eyes draw me in, but I refuse to meet them. “I think I will rather enjoy breaking you. And your mate.”

 

My heart stops for an instant before it falls and falls. I know he can smell my fear. I can smell it. I don't take the bait.  _ Stay strong, stay strong, stay strong.  _

 

The male closes the difference between us. “Aren't you going to answer? It's rather rude to ignore someone, you know.”

 

“I don't know what you're talking about.” I curse myself for the way my voice comes out breathless and shaking. 

 

“Don't you want to see your mate?”

 

“My mate isn't here. I don't need him to come save me. I'm capable of getting out of this dump myself.”

 

That grin only widens. “I wouldn't recommend it. You hold Tamlin’s life in your hands.”

 

The bond flickers again, but it is stronger this time. In the back of my mind, I see the inside of a cell exactly like my own. 

 

_ Hanna… I'm sorry.  _

  
My heart cracks a little as those words float through my mind.  _ Tamlin…  _


	15. Tamlin

**Tamlin**

 

Everything around me is empty and dark. There is no sound in this place. My body feels broken and bruised. One of my arms refuses to move. I sit up, but the spinning in my head sends me crashing back to the ground.

 

I don't know how long I lay there before that voice echoes around me. The sound of it awakens a primal fear deep inside of me. Every instinct in my body screams at me to flee, to get as far away as I can, but I can't move. 

 

I hear my mate's voice, screaming in agony. Something deep inside of me snaps. My temper flares and I struggle to my feet, calling my mate's name into the darkness. 

 

“She can't hear you.” The Valg strolls towards me at a casual, unhurried pace. My head spins again, but I remain on my feet. “Your mate belongs to me, High Lord.”

 

A growl slips out of my throat. The Valg only gives me a sneering smile in return. He paces in front of me, chuckling softly. “You faeries are such intriguing creatures. So powerful, yet so weak. Your magic gives you strength yet you cling to things that only serve to drag you down.”

 

“Did you just come to talk my ear off?” I snap. 

 

The pacing stops. Those empty black eyes study me with interest. Before I can react, the male wraps his hand around my throat and lifts me off of my feet. “No, I wouldn't waste my time with you. You cost me everything, and now I'm going to watch you suffer the same fate.”

 

I crumple to the ground when he releases me, my injured arm sending unbearable pain lancing through me. The blackness fades away, and I find myself in a cell. 

 

The bond sparkles to life, and I seize it like a lifeline. For the first time since she vanished, I feel Hanna. I feel my mate.

 

Her emotions flood into my mind. Agony, despair, and a grief so deep it cracks my heart. I whisper her name down the bond, and her other emotions fade away as surprise and radiant joy pours down the bond. 

 

_ Tamlin! By the Cauldron… you're alive! Thank the Mother. I was afraid I had lost you.  _ I can hear the weakness and pain in her voice. 

 

_ What happened to you? _

 

_ I'm… I'm fine.  _ I can sense her lie.  _ Ugh… it's just been awhile since I've been this… helpless. It doesn't sit well with me.  _

 

Another wave of pain comes down the bond. She's hurt. She has to be.  _ When were you going to tell me you are injured? _

 

Her voice is cold.  _ When were you going to tell me about your arm? This isn't anything I haven't already dealt with in the past. I'm fine,Tamlin. Illyrians heal quickly.  _

 

_ What happened to you?  _

 

The memories surge to the front of her mind, but she walls them off before I can make much sense of them.  _ That prick of a male is screwing with me. Nothing more. I'm almost ready to fight my way out.  _

 

_ You will do no such thing! You're hurt… you're… _ I stop the words in their tracks. By the Cauldron! Knowing she is hurt and being helpless to save her threatens to send me over the edge. If she won’t tell me what happened... I cool my rising anger and just  _ listen  _ to her mind. There is so much grief in the dark corners. 

 

I see flashes of a destroyed city and broken and bloody nails. Freezing cold nights and a pair of vacant eyes staring up at the sky. Blood on the snow, a leering smile looming over me. So many pairs of eyes, glaring at me, watching me. I want to hide in the darkness forever. Pain courses through phantom wings and a fear so instinctual and deep-rooted freezes my blood. 

 

I feel it in my bones. Hanna is hiding something from me.

 

_ Tamlin, fight whatever you see. None of it is real. Fight through it, and we will win. _ My mate’s voice clears the images from my mind.  _ I won’t let him break me. I will fight until that creature lays dead and we are both out of here. I will fight my way to you, but I need you to stay strong. _

 

Hanna’s voice begins to fade as the bond goes dark again.  _ I love you! _

 

_ I love you, too, Tamlin. _ Her reply is a mere whisper in the silence of my mind. Hearing her voice had sparked a kernel of hope deep inside of my heart. The depth of her grief left my own heart cracking, but… She needs me. I can’t give up. I have to keep fighting to get to her. 

 

Sitting up, I take assessment of my injuries. My arm protests any form of movement. Definitely broken. Various other parts of my body ache, but my magic has already gone to work on those. My memory of what happened after I winnowed to the base of the Mountain are fuzzy. The glint of a sword and a feral grin is all that stands out to me. 

 

I rest my body, willing it to heal and knit together so I can fight again. My mate needs me. I need my strength to fight. Eventually, I slip into an uneasy sleep. 

 

_ You couldn't protect your mother. You couldn't protect your lands. You couldn't protect the woman you loved. Now, you can't even protect your mate. Everything you touch, every person you love, is poisoned by your presence in their life. You are a broken High Lord. You are a weak High Lord. This is why you were never meant to wear the crown. _

 

Images of that night march through my dreams...

 

_ “Tell me, boy, where do your loyalties lie?” my father’s voice drips with quiet anger. He paces in front of where I stand suspended between my older brothers. I watch blood from my broken nose fall onto the shining tiles of the foyer. I hear the muted sobs of my mother from behind me. I silently beg her to leave, but I know my father would only call her back.  _

 

_ “My loyalties lie with the Spring Court,” I answer, my voice thick with pain. “As they always have.” _

 

_ The blow snaps my head to the side, and blood erupts in my mouth from where my cheek scrapes against my teeth. “I don’t believe you. You and that Night Court brat are plotting against me… so you both can be crowned High Lord!” _

 

_ My anger boils over. “I have no desire for the title! You have two other sons that will one day bear that weight.”  _

 

_ The arms holding me tighten as the polished black boots of my father stop in front of me. I feel his green eyes studying me, assessing the truth behind the words. “You’re not as stupid as you seem, Tamlin. Too bad I don’t believe you.”  _

 

_ He shares a look with my brothers. I spit blood onto the floor and growl, “You wouldn’t believe me, no matter how much I groveled at your feet.” _

 

_ My father barks out a sardonic chuckle. “You’re right, I wouldn’t. All I have is your word, which holds no value to me. I’ve seen the way you and Rhysand talk at the court functions. I have heard from reliable sources how you have trained together. What am I supposed to believe?” _

 

_ Footsteps race down the staircase as my mother approaches my father. “Vas, please…” My heart breaks when I hear the desperation in my mother’s voice. “Don’t hurt him. He is your son! Give him a chance to prove his loyalty.” _

 

_ Those cold eyes turn to my mother. A swift, sharp backhand sends my mother reeling into the banister. I struggle against my brothers’ hold, needing to protect my mother. “Away with you! We don’t need your snivelling here.” _

 

_ My mother flees up the stairs before I fall back under that weighted glare. “Your mother is right, I suppose. You would be more valuable to me alive rather than dead. Very well, Tamlin… you have one chance to prove your loyalty to me. You will tell me the secrets of the Night Court that Rhysand has shared with you.” _

 

_ Claws slide from my father’s knuckles. He holds them to my throat. One movement would spill my life’s blood onto the white and black checkered floor. “I don’t know any of their secrets. He doesn’t trust me that much.” Those talons press harder into my skin. “He did… he told me that… his family will be travelling to visit him tomorrow.”  _

 

_ “His family?” my father asks. I feel something deep inside of me break and shatter. It steals my breath away. I know  I have to choose between my life… or my friendship. The choice is clear to me… My mother needs me to protect her. She needs me here…  _

 

_ “Rhysand is training in the Illyrian camps. His mother and sister will be travelling to spend the rest of winter with him. I know where they will be…” My voice only comes as a hoarse whisper. “I… I can lead you to them.” _

 

_ “What good will his sister and mother do?” The claws disappear from my throat.  _

 

_ I sag against the arms holding me up. I push the feelings down and lock them away to bring out and feel later. I know what my father wants me to say, but I can’t make the words form on my lips. Instead, I tell him, “Rhysand loves his mother and sister dearly.”  _

 

_ “Father,” one of my brothers speaks up. “We should kill them. Hunt them down and kill them… it would send a message to the bastard. He would know exactly where that information comes from.”  _

 

_ The cold look in my father’s eyes changes to one of contemplation. The smile that spreads across his face promises something I know will destroy me even more. I want to roar at my father, slice my own claws down his neck and shred my brothers to ribbons, but… I am not strong enough. I have to do what I can to protect my mother… no matter the cost.  _

 

_ My brothers finally let me go, and I fall forward into the pool of my blood. My father’s boots appear in front of me. “We move tonight. We will see how truly loyal you are, Tamlin. Take him downstairs.” _

 

_ Two of the stone faced sentries grab me and haul me to the small block of cells in the basement. I am thrown headfirst into the black room. A sickening crunch reverberates through my head as it bounces from the stones. I feel blood pour down my face again before I sink into a world with no pain.  _

 

A roaring in my ears drags me from the nightmare. I will my breathing to slow.  _ Calm down… it was just a dream. A stupid, bad dream.  _ I lift my injured arm, relieved to find it healed and functional again. The mating bond still stands silent and stagnant in my mind. I play Hanna’s words over and over in my head. The Valg is toying with my mind. 

 

I push the memories from my dreams back to the dark corners I’ve kept locked for centuries. Hanna is fighting to free herself, so I have to do the same. My mate needs me, and I need her. The spark of hope burning inside of me flares to life, and I wrap myself around it.  _ I will fight for you, Hanna… _


	16. Hanna

**Hanna**

My mate’s voice rapidly fades as the bond darkens once more. His voice rekindles the ember of hope burning in my chest, but it is not the only heat licking through my body. A groan escapes my throat as I shift my body into a more comfortable position and my wings jostle slightly. Just out of my reach, the ash splinters tug against the delicate membrane. The sensation sends another wave of burning through my body, but I ignore it. 

 

The constant pain eats away at my physical strength. I note my Siphons have grown dull, but I do not panic. No emotion registers in my mind. The shadows of my cell dance and writhe, inching closer to me. Fear creeps into my heart as one of those dark tendrils wraps around my arm, pulling me forward. 

 

I free fall into a pit of darkness, my repressed emotions begin churning and rolling around inside of me. Grief, hate, and… guilt. So much guilt. The guilt of ending that young Illyrian’s life. The guilt of being unable to protect my adopted parents. And the guilt of… 

 

I land in a dark hut. A low fire in the grate is my only source of light. My arms and legs are bound together. My wings… the ash splinters in them burn and burn and burn. The gag in my mouth catches any sound of my screaming. 

 

_ The door flies open, revealing my uncle and two more Illyrian males. That horrid face breaks into a hideous smile at the sight of my tears. I flinch away from him, remembering the hours of torment as those calloused fingers slowly inserted a dozen splinters into the delicate membrane of my wings.  _

 

_ The males enter the shack and stare down appraisingly at me. The camp leader kneels down beside me, his foul breath tickling my face. “Normally, we would not cripple a female in such a way. We are not barbarians, you know. However, I think you deserve to suffer as much as you can for being such a naughty girl. Wouldn’t you agree, niece?” _

 

_ He motions to the other males. They grip me under the arms, dragging me to my feet. The movement sends more tears cascading down my face and wringing fresh screams from my throat. All three of them smirk at the sound. “Come, niece. Your mother is anxious to see you once more.” _

 

_ My eyes screw closed against the brightness of the sunlight bouncing from the snow. The rustle of many wings and whispered voices catch my attention. It seems every Illyrian in the war camp has gathered in the large clearing. My heart drops when I see my mother, bound and gagged, kneeling in the snow surrounded by several more males. My wrists cry out as I struggle against the bonds.  _

 

_ One of the males dragging me notices and slaps me across the back of my head. Stars swim in my vision at the impact, but I am held upright. The camp lord stops in the middle of the gathered crowd. I am thrown into the snow, my wings screaming at the rough movement. I lay in the freezing snow, savoring the coolness against the heat of my skin.  _

 

_ My mother moves towards me, but the sword to her throat freezes her. I am lifted to my knees to face my mother. Dried blood cakes the side of her face where a gash along her hairline has clotted. Her clothes are mere tatters, barely covering her… bruises of every size and color mark her face, arms, and chest. Hot anger boils inside of my gut at the sight.  _

 

_ “Two centuries ago, we were told that this female,” he says pointing to my mother, “ had lost her youngling while in the forest. We were made to believe she was worthy of our pity and sorrow. She mourned the loss of her unborn child, as did we all. I did not believe her, for if she had indeed miscarried, why would she not bring the body back?”  _

 

_ Some of the gathered warriors nod their agreement. “Why would she, knowing she bears a child of my bloodline, not bring the body back so we might give the child a proper burial? Why would she not allow her family to properly mourn the loss of a life? It wasn’t until decades later that I found out the truth. The child lived. The child had been borne away by the bastard that calls himself our general.” _

 

_ Cries of anger and astonishment meet this announcement. “Even as she was questioned, this female insisted her child was dead. I never had proof to the contrary… until last night. When this young female landed in our camp, hanging on the arm of our general, I knew I had my proof.” He sneers at both of us. “I followed this female into the woods, and who did I find but my long-lost niece?”  _

 

_ All of the eyes turn in my direction, staring and assessing. “Cassian broke one of our ancient traditions. He took my niece away from the family that would have loved and raised her to be the ideal Illyrian female: compliant and obedient. Instead, he forged her into a weapon. He taught her to fight and fly and defy those who are her masters.”  _

 

_ “You’re not my master!” I shout through the gag. “You never have been, and you never will be.”  _

 

_ Those piercing eyes turn to me before passing right over me. “I have led this camp for centuries. We are one of the strongest clans in these mountains!” This is met with raucous cries of approval. “I was, perhaps, too lenient with this traitorous whore. I showed her mercy as she had just lost her child, even though I knew she was lying. Perhaps, I am to blame for such a fine child being ruined.”  _

 

_ I pull against my bonds again, noticing the dagger my uncle pulls from his waist. My wings… I fight through the agony. My wrists burn and bleed as I look for any weakness in the ropes. The guards around me just watch and snicker at my struggling.  _

 

_ My uncle approaches my mother, circling around behind her. My mother’s brown eyes, my eyes, meet my own. I see nothing but love in their depths. Love and guilt and an apology. I shake my head, screaming through the cloth in my mouth. The gathered crowd laughs at my vain attempts, the blood now streaming down my arms.  _

 

_ I crawl towards her, tears freezing on my cheeks in the biting air. That dagger glints in the light and a drop of red runs down my mother’s throat. My very blood stills at the blade pressing against the tender flesh. Time slows as my uncle flicks his wrist, dragging the steel across her neck. Every thought empties from my head, every muscle in my body locks into place as that gaping red wound appears.  _

 

_ My mother’s blood pours from the wound, melting the snow around her. The hand holding her upright releases her, and her body falls forward. I can do nothing but stare in mute horror at the red stain slowly seeping towards me. Those eyes find mine once more, and I can almost hear the apology my mother will never say.  _

 

_ With a final, shuddering breath, I watch those brown eyes empty of light and life. My entire heart splinters, leaving a gaping and raw void of nothingness behind. “Mother…” I whisper. I feel nothing as my entire body quakes. Rough hands haul me to my feet, dragging me away from the body. I thrash and kick, but a swift blow to my head stills me.  _

 

_ My uncle meets us in his large house. I hardly notice or care when they place me in a small bedchamber and lock the door behind me. I can’t think past the images of the snow staining red, the last look in my mother’s eyes. A soft knock sounds through the room, but I ignore it. Two female Illyrians enter the room accompanied by four armed males. I notice the ragged and torn edges at the bottom of their wings, but I don’t care.  _

 

_ No emotion reaches any part of me as my bindings are finally removed and the gag is pulled out. The males circle the room, two by the door and two by the bed where I sit. The females begin drawing a bath. I am pulled to my feet and undressed behind a screen. Warm cloths wash away the blood and dirt from my skin. I hardly register the softness or the indecency of the gown they put me in.  _

 

_ When I am washed and dressed, the females lead me back to the bed. I sit on it, shaking at the chill now permeating the room. “The lord will be with you soon,” one of the females says. Her words awaken something inside of me. I at last meet her gaze. A battered and broken female lays behind those carefully empty eyes.  _

 

_ I give her a subtle nod of gratitude. A flicker of a smile flits across her face. The room empties once more, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My instincts kick in, and the emotions stunning my heart are pushed down into the depths of my mind. I have to find a way out of here. Escape first, mourn later. Cassian drilled that into my mind during our training.  _

 

_ The door opens to reveal my uncle in a finely cut tunic and pants. My stomach churns at the sight of the leer on his face. He enters the room and closes the door. “Hello, my beautiful niece.”  _

 

_ I refuse to react, keeping the blank look on my face. The bed sinks a little as he sits down beside me. I jolt at the finger he strokes down my cheek, a chuckle rumbling from his throat at the movement. I turn my head to stare into those hungry eyes and spit in his face. The camp lord jerks back, wiping the slime from his face. Before he can move on me, I leap to my feet and drive my fist into his face. Blood spurts from his nostrils as I connect with his nose. I back towards the door as he leaps to his own feet.  _

 

_ “You little bitch!” he roars. When my wings make contact with the door, I wince at the pressure from the splinters still embedded in the delicate flesh. The hesitation costs me. My uncle flies across the room and backhands me. My head bounces off the wall, stars swimming in my vision. I am dragged across the room by the roots of my hair and thrown onto the bed.  _

 

_ I can’t think around the agony coursing through my body. My thoughts are sluggish, and I barely register what is happening to me. “I am going to make you mine.” The words caress my ear, sending a shiver of disgust through me. I balk as my skirts are lifted up, exposing my bare bottom to the air.  _

 

_ A hard thing pressing against me puts my senses on high alert. I begin struggling again, attempting to throw off the weight pinning me down. Another sharp blow to my head stuns me. Outside of the door, I can hear females screaming and swords clashing together. “What the fuck is going on?” _

 

_ Before either of us can move, the door crashes open with enough force to rip it from its hinges. A familiar figure stands in the doorway, red Siphons blazing and an Illyrian blade dripping blood in hand. A small sob escapes my throat as Cassian enters the room. His hazel eyes blaze with a cataclysmic rage. Without a word, he launches himself across the room and drives his blade through the gut of the camp leader. I throw myself out of the way as Cassian withdraws his blade and…  _

 

_ I cover my eyes as blood spurts across the front of my uncle’s pants. The screaming grates against my ears, but the sounds are cut off by a wet sound and a dull thud. I hear Cassian’s ragged breathing coming closer to me. “Don’t look, Hanna. Don’t look.”  _

 

_ Warm, solid arms pick me up, and I hide my face in his shoulder. A low snarl slips out of my mentor’s throat as he notes the injuries to my wings. The tang of blood and sweat fills my nose, but I ignore it. Cassian carries me into the cold and launches himself into the air. The wind tears into me until a shield of red appears around us, encasing us in a still, warm place. _

 

_ “Let’s get you home.”  _

 

I come to with a jolt. The memories swim in my mind, bringing the guilt of my mother’s death to the surface. Even years later, I never allowed myself to feel the unbearable pain coursing through me. I fought against it, pushing it to a dark corner of my mind to stay locked away. Now, I feel that darkness spreading through my body, savoring the tears streaming down my face.

 

_ You weren’t able to save your mother. You weren’t able to protect your family. Your mate is now my prisoner because you were too weak to save yourself. You are weak…  what makes you think you can free yourself? _

 

Something cracks open inside of me at these words. The dark presence surrounding me seems to smile at that. The emotions flooding through me threaten to sweep me away, and I don’t fight against the torrent. I sink to my knees, burning tears leaking from my eyes.  _ It’s right. I couldn’t protect the people I was supposed to… It’s all my fault.  _

 

I feel that darkness inside of me purr at the thought as it settles like a lead weight in my stomach. I hear the sounds of distant screaming… Tamlin. I struggle to my feet, fighting through the pain, but my knees refuse to bear my weight. I fall to the stone floor, crying out as my wings seem to ignite. 

 

Tamlin’s shouts grow louder as the blackness presses against me. The breaks in my heart open further as the guilt and grief finally to sweep me into a place without light or happiness. 


	17. Tamlin

**Tamlin**

_ “Wake up!” a rough voice above me barks. I open my eyes a fraction of an inch to see three figures standing over me. My head throbs as a bright light washes over me.  _

 

_ “Tamlin, my son, get up.” The voice belongs to my father. Cold dread slides through me at his words, the satisfaction in his voice. I sit up, my body aching from laying on the freezing stone floor. My father puts his arm under my shoulder and pulls me to my feet.  _

 

_ The world spins as I stand, but he places a steadying hand on my arm and leads me from the basement and into the foyer. The scent of blood hits me halfway up the stairs. I force myself to keep walking.  _

 

_ I blink against the bright light spilling in through the open front doors. The tang of blood is stronger here. Once my eyes adjust to the light, I see my brothers and several sentries standing in the hall. Both of my brothers step forward, each bearing something in their hands.  _

 

_ A roaring fills my ears at the sight of the bloodied Illyrian wings in their hands, one pair larger than the other. It takes every ounce of control I possess not to rip their throats out, to not sink to my knees. I can only stare at the wings with mute horror, fighting to not let any of the rage storming inside of me show.  _

 

_ “We have won a great victory against the Night Court this day,” my father announces to the gathered sentries. “It is all thanks to my son, Tamlin.” _

 

_ A cheer goes up, but I can hardly hear it over the pounding in my ears. My mother appears from the dining room, her face paling at the sight of the wings. Our eyes meet, and I see the raw sorrow inside of the green depths.  _

 

_ My body shakes and shakes. I say nothing, wishing I could disappear. Underneath of the rage, I feel a deep sense of shame and guilt. I could have prevented this… I could have found a way to stop this.  _

 

_ The smug smile on my father's face snaps something so deep inside of me that I know there will be no coming back from this. My wrath finds those broken places and fills them with molten anger. I have failed my friend… my only friend. I wish he would come here and end this festering court… end me. _

 

_ I turn to walk away, to go anywhere but here, but my father speaks again. “These are a gift for you, my son. A reward for your loyalty.” _

 

_ I force myself to meet his gaze and smile. “Thank you, Father. Perhaps they should be displayed in the study for all to see and know of our victory.” The words are ash in my mouth. I nearly choke on them.   _

 

_ He nods, and my brothers carry the wings up the stairs. My father claps me on the shoulder before he follows. I suppress a shudder. When he is gone, my mother approaches me. “Walk with me, Tamlin.” _

 

_ I offer her my arm, and we walk out into the spring sunshine. The scent of roses and the beautiful, sweeping lawns mask the true darkness of this court. Instead of roses, there should be brambles and thorns. Instead of lush green trees, there should be twisted, dying ones.  _

 

_ My mother leads me deep into the gardens, and we sit on a fountain. The water splashes merrily, masking our voices. She kisses my cheek and whispers, “This isn't your fault, my son. You had to choose… your life or your friend’s family. You did the right thing. I could not survive without you.” _

 

_ I wipe a tear from my mother’s cheek, saying nothing. Her words are meant to soothe me, but they only fuel my anger. I muster a smile onto my face and say, “I know, Mother. Thank you.” _

 

_ The guilt eats at me for the rest of the day, sapping my energy and patience. Feigning illness, I retire to my rooms before the evening meal. I watch the sunlight fade, casting my room into shadows. A desire to reach out to Rhysand, to beg his forgiveness, chases me from my bed. I begin to pen a note, but the words seem weak on the page.  _

 

_ Night has fallen by the time I give up. My head throbs as I rise to my feet. Shadows flicker outside of the window, and the usual sentries are missing. Dread pulses through me as I crack open my bedroom door.  _

 

_ The house is utterly silent as the clock in the foyer strikes midnight. I glance down the hallway uneasily, casting my senses out like a net. When I find nothing amiss, I close the door and lay on top of the covers. Sleep evades me.  _

 

_ “Tamlin! Help me!” The scream shatters the stillness. I shoot to my feet and rip my door open. The scent of fresh blood hits my nose as footsteps race towards me. My mother, her nightgown tattered, barrels into me. “The Night Court…” she pants.  _

 

_ I push her into my room and shut the door. The High Lord appears a moment later, with a head clutched in his fingers. My father, his face frozen into a grimace, stares at me with dull and empty eyes.  _

 

_ My body drops into a defensive stance as the shadows around me begin to writhe. Talons dig into my mental shield, but they do not penetrate it. More movement at the end of the hall catches my attention. Rhysand races towards his father. _

 

_ “You promised!” he shouts. “Our revenge is complete.” _

 

_ I glance down at my father again, and something awakens inside of me. Raw power floods into me as I meet those dead eyes. A beast roars beneath my skin, or perhaps, I roar as well. Both Night Court males turn to me, and I know they feel it too. My eyes lift to the face of my family's murderer and I strike.  _

 

_ The High Lord of the Night Court dodges my attack and darts past me. I overshoot and collide with Rhysand. He stumbles back, and I whirl. The door to my room hangs off its hinges.  _

 

_ Ignoring my friend, I dart to the doorway and freeze. My mother's body sprawls out on the floor, her head twisted at a grotesque angle. The newly awakened power inside of me surges out. Fur and fangs and claws erupt from my skin, and I pounce on the male.  _

 

_ Kill! Kill! Kill!  _

 

_ The words ripple through my head as my talons dig into the High Lord's shoulder. I see a promise of suffering in those hateful eyes. Before the shadows can strike me, I dig my long teeth into his throat and jerk back my head.  _

 

_ Blood fills my mouth, tasting of nighttime and power, as I rip out his throat. I hear Rhysand gasp behind me, and I turn to face him. I know my maw is darkened with his father's lifeblood, but those violet eyes are full of sorrow as we stare.  _

 

_ I see him wince as his father's power floods into him. His scent changes to one of raw darkness and jasmine. “Why, Tamlin?” _

 

_ Those two words evaporate my rage and crack my heart open. I shift back into my own skin. I stare down at the floor, fresh guilt raw in the wounds of my soul. “Rhys…” Words fail me as the new High Lord shakes his head.  _

 

_ The sorrow in those violet eyes morphs into something darker, something familiar. I recognize it as rage similar to my own. “I'm sorry…” I whisper, knowing it will never truly be enough. “I'm so sorry.” _

 

_ My friend only shakes his head again. His voice is nothing more than a breath. “Don't tell me you're sorry. It's too late for apologies… my family is dead because of YOU.” _

 

_ I say nothing. Loneliness creeps into my chest, choking the words I know I will never have a chance to say back.  _

 

_ “I should kill you now for what you have done, but I have had enough bloodshed. Consider this the last act of friendship between us because if you ever step foot in my territory, I will end you.” _

 

_ Rhysand vanishes into the shadows before I can call after him. I quietly exit the room and wander into the garden. The moon shines illuminates the roses my father had planted for my mother as a mating gift. I fall to my knees and howl my grief and loss and anger at the silent night sky.  _


	18. Hanna

**Hanna**

I am adrift in an unending sea of memories best forgotten. My heart weighs me down, threatening to drown me. I keep fighting. I keep urging myself to stay afloat. For whatever reason, my mind refuses to give up. My body keeps pushing onwards. 

_ Keep fighting. Keep fighting. Keep fighting.  _

Images flash by me. The faces of every life that ended at my hands. The secrets I have kept locked away for so long, laid bare before me. I watch them as they come and go and come and go. 

Soon, a knife appears in my hand. One of my Illyrian fighting knives. I glance around, scanning my surroundings for any enemies, but I am alone in this silent, dark void. 

My mate's voice echoes through the darkness, howling like a wolf. I hear his grief and anger and loneliness in the cry. My feet begin running forward, pulling me towards my soul-bonded partner. The darkness presses closer to me, but I grasp that tether glowing in my mind. Like a rope thrown to a drowning victim, that bridge of stone and vine is my lifeline. 

The gardens of the Spring Court form around me. Ahead, kneeling among the roses, I see my mate. His head hangs down, his shoulder slump forward, in his sadness. My boots crunch on the gravel, drawing his attention to me. I offer him a small smile, not daring to move closer. 

The power shining behind those eyes… it sweeps my breath away.  _ This  _ is the High Lord of the Spring Court.  _ This  _ is my mate. Tamlin studies me, his hair silver in the moonlight. “Hanna…” he breathes. 

My name on his lips is my undoing. Throwing caution to the wind, I race to him, to his waiting arms. As he folds me into his embrace, his scent…  _ our _ scent hits me. Snow and beast and pine and blooming flower. A quiet sob escapes my throat. Here he is… my mate… safe and whole. 

“You’re here,” I whisper. “I can’t believe you’re here.” Tamlin brushes his thumb along my cheek, wiping away the tears  trailing there. The knife falls from my hand as I throw my arms around his neck, burying my face into his shoulder. The full weight of missing him crashes down on me. My aching, cracked heart breaks further as we embrace.

I feel the shadows inside of me stirring, but I ignore them and savor Tamlin’s warmth. “Of course I’m here. Where else would I be?” 

“I thought that damned thing had gotten you too.” 

Tamlin squeezes me tighter. “It doesn’t matter. We’re here together now.”

The scent of roses and springtime wreaths around us. I look around the moonlit garden, admiring the way the full moon illuminates the blossoms. “I don’t think you ever showed me this place at night.”

“I think I’m usually preoccupied with more beautiful sights,” Tamlin growls. My body responds to him. He nips his way down my neck and jaw with kisses and bites. The sensation heats my blood, and I turn back to face him. 

The smoldering, primal hunger and power in his eyes snaps the last tether of control as I launch myself at him. I can’t kiss him fast enough, taste him enough. He catches me, arms wrapping around my thighs as he lifts me up and carries me to the nearby grass. 

Without breaking our contact, he lays me tenderly down on the grass. My fingers rip through his tunic and run along his bare chest. My mate lowers his head over me, leaving everywhere his lips touch my skin flaming. 

_ This isn't real.  _

The words come as a whisper, barely audible over the splashing water. I freeze when I hear them, the terror and despair reappearing.  _ No, you're wrong.  _

_ Am I? You know your mate is imprisoned. _

I still beneath my mate. “Hanna, what's wrong?” 

His eyes brim with concern. I push him off of me, wrapping my loosened tunic around my torso again. “I…” 

Tamlin retreats a few steps. The hurt on his face hurts my heart, but… if this isn't real…  _ It isn't real, you stupid girl.  _

“Tamlin, this isn't real. This is all an illusion. I can't… I can't give into it anymore.”

_ You already have given into the shadows lurking in your mind. You have already been consumed by your grief and despair.  _

I back away from Tamlin. His eyes darken with fury as I step away. A low growl slips out of him. I raise my hands towards him. “Tamlin… what are you doing?”

The growl deepens into a snarl as he steps towards me. “Stop playing your games with me!” 

_ Tamlin! It's me!  _ I shout down the bond, but his mental shields are too tightly sealed for me to get through. My mate lunges for me, talons out, but I step out of his way. 

Tamlin moves swiftly, pouncing at me again and again. I dodge each time as we dance around the garden.  _ This can't be real. It's another trick. I have to… I have to end this.  _

I begin moving back towards the fountain where I know my discarded knife lays.  _ This is just another sick mind game by this creature.  _

I feign exhaustion, making my steps clumsy. The glint of moonlight off my blade catches my attention. The lip of the fountain brushes the back of my knees. The wolfish grin on Tamlin’s face chills my blood. 

He pauses, savoring the moment. I watch his powerful muscles bunch again as he makes his final lunge at me. I jump out of the way, my hand extended towards my knife. My fingers close around the hilt as the stone cracks beneath the impact of his power. 

I roll and come up kneeling, blade extended towards my mate. He whirls and freezes, eyeing the blade with cold amusement. “Do you think a pitiful blade will stop me?”

_ Tamlin! It's me! It's Hanna! Please, stop this. I'm here. I'm real. Whatever he is showing you isn't!  _

A slow step towards me… and another… and another. I clamber to my feet as my mate swipes his talons at me again. I duck beneath his arms and plunge my blade into his side. 

Time stills as Tamlin looks down at the blade penetrating his side before lifting his green eyes to me. In that moment, I know this is not an illusion. I know the blood leaking down my mate's side is real. 

He sinks to the ground, confusion and horror vivid in his emerald gaze. I help lower him down as footsteps crunch on the gravel behind me. Slow applause echoes through the garden. 

“Well done, my pet. Well done.” 

That voice… I turn to see the Valg approaching us, a triumphant look brightening his features. He stops behind me, looking at my mate with a smug smile. “Well, High Lord, it seems our debt is paid. Your life will soon end, and it will be at the hands of your mate.”

His words awaken something deep inside of me. I have felt hot, boiling anger and the rage of battle, but this… icy, chilling fury raises up, filling me as I get to my feet. 

_ Kill. Kill. Kill.  _

A snarl rips from my throat as I step towards the Valg. The creature has enough sense to look unnerved. My Siphons flare to life once more, my anger granting me a reserve of strength. “Get away from my mate,” I whisper. 

The Valg only sneers at me. I allow the rage to fill me, clearing my mind. A summon a blade of green flame from my Siphons. Those black eyes widen when they behold the weapon. I lunge towards the creature, and laugh as he attempts to dodge. His movements are slow and clumsy. I easily catch him with the blade. 

His mouth opens with an ear-splitting screech. I pull it from his torso and swipe high, catching the Valg in the neck. His headless body crumples to the ground. I stand staring at those empty eyes, panting as my knees give out. 

The garden around us melts into Tamlin’s cell. I hear him groaning behind me and crawl towards him. His eyes… I drag myself towards those vivid green eyes. His hands reach for my face. 

The bond between us sparks to life as our skin touches. I  _ feel  _ him for the first time since I was captured. Those callused fingers brush away the hot tears pouring down my face. “Tamlin,” I breathe. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

He hushes me, a small smile on his face. My mental shields collapse as his power brushes along them. Behind the warmth and love in his mind, I feel the burning pain of… bloodbane. The blade was tipped with poison! 

I yank the blade out and will the last dregs of my power to form a bandage, staunching the bleeding. My mate's face is wan and pale and shines with sweat. 

_ We need to get out of here, now.  _

Tamlin nods, but he has nothing left. The poison and mental torment has left my mate with almost nothing. My own Siphons are dull. I barely have enough strength to stand. I sit with him, laying his head across my lap. 

Time passes slowly as I stroke his golden locks. Tamlin falls into a fitful sleep, thrashing and moaning. Exhaustion threatens to drag me into oblivion, but I fight against it. A flurry of activity outside of the open doorway catches my attention. 

“Hanna!” I look to the doorway at the sound of that familiar voice. Red Siphons and black battle armor glint in the torchlight. “Hanna!” 

Relief barrels through me at the sight of Cassian, my friend and mentor. I croak out his name as he kneels beside me and wraps his strong arms around me. “I'm here. You're safe.”

“Tanlin…” I whisper. The weight of the past several days wins as I know I'm safe. Before I'm dragged into the oblivion of sleep, I have to tell Cassian to help my mate. “Bloodbane.”

Those hazel eyes glance down at my mate, finally quiet. He nods his understanding, and I allow sleep to claim me at last. 


	19. Hanna

**Hanna**

I awaken to a ray of sunlight dancing on my face. I squint against the brightness and let out a small groan. Rustling from my left has me turning my head. Cassian leans against the bedpost, staring down at me. 

 

“You're awake.” I give him a weak smile when I see the relief shining in his eyes. 

 

The sight of him brings the memories of what happened flooding through my mind. I throw back the covers and clamber out of the bed.  _ Tamlin. I have to get to Tamlin.  _ When I get to my feet, my head spins so I almost fall, and Cassian catches my arm. 

 

“Slow down, Hanna. You've been unconscious for two days.” I shrug off his hand and make my way to the door. 

 

“I don't care. I'm fine,” I snap. I throw open the door and stumble down the hallway, keeping one hand on the wall for support. Cassian follows behind me, insisting I slow down and listen to him. “I have to make sure he's okay.”

 

I lean against the wall, my breathing ragged in my throat. I'm weak and exhausted, much more than I thought. Cassian places his hand on my shoulder again. I meet his concerned gaze. 

 

“Take me to him,” I demand. He hesitates, assessing my condition. Our eyes lock. I muster my strength and glare at him. “Cassian, take me to my mate. Now.”

 

Still, he hesitates. I refuse to look away from him. My mentor finally sighs and picks me up in his arms. I let out a squeak of surprise as he does. “You're going to collapse. I don't feel like carrying your lifeless body back up here. Again.”

 

I say nothing as we move through the House of Wind. He stops at the balcony we usually take off from. “Tamlin is at the townhouse. The healers are closer,” Cassian answers my look of confusion. 

 

My heart drops at these words. A consuming desire to see my mate, touch him, drink in his scent overwhelms me. “Just get me there,” I pant. 

 

The wind whips my tangled hair around my face until a shield of red surrounds us. Cassian glides to the town house. He sets me down on the cobblestones right outside the door. I move the moment my feet touch the ground, but the world spins around me. 

 

My knees and palms bark in pain as I fall to the street. “Hanna!” Cassian picks me up and cradles me to his chest again. “You need to take it easy!”

 

I struggle against his arms, but his grip tightens. I am in a frenzy. Tamlin is in there. He's hurt. I need to get to him. “Damn it, Cassian! Let me go!” 

 

The door opens, and Feyre stands behind it. The scents of the house wrap around me, but I can detect the scent of wild beasts and spring flowers mixed with pine and mountain snow. His scent, my scent,  _ our  _ scent. 

 

Cassian carries me up the stairs. As we ascend, the traces of my mating scent grow stronger. He pushes open the slightly ajar door and puts me down in the threshold. I feel him hovering over me, preparing to catch me should I collapse again. 

 

Tamlin lies in the large bed, a sheet over his lower body. I study his bare torso, and my heart stops when I see the wound in his shoulder. It has improved slightly, but blood still leaks from the edges. His usually golden face is pale and covered with a fine layer of sweat. 

 

I reach into my mind for the mating bond. He is there, but the bond glows only faintly between us. I kneel next to the bed and grasp my mate's hand. His skin feels dry and warm against my palms. 

 

The door opens again and a female I've never seen before enters. “You must be Hanna,” she says. I lift my head and curl my lip at the healer. She smiles at me warmly but doesn't come closer. 

 

I study the healer for a few moments before my body relaxes. “How is he?” I ask quietly. 

 

“His wounds are healing slowly, but he was given a very large dose of bloodbane. I'm doing everything I can.” I can detect the hesitation in her voice.

 

“Don't lie to me!” I growl. Cassian steps in front of the healer, shielding her. I glare at both of them before glancing down at my mate's wan face. “He has to be alright. He has to.”

 

“May I tend to him?” the healer asks. I nod absently as I stare at Tamlin. He grimaces when the healer lays the back of her hand against his forehead. A low growl slips from my throat as he moans. 

 

Cassian remains in the room, keeping his wary gaze on me. I look up at him, my frayed temper getting the best of me. “I'm not going to hurt her, you know.”

 

Those hazel eyes stare at me impressively. He keeps his voice even and neutral, as if he is afraid to provoke me. “Your mate is hurt, you're about to go into a frenzy. I don't trust you not to do something you'll regret.”

 

I bare my teeth at him, but Tamlin moans and and stirs before I can say anything. I stroke a stray lock of hair out of his face and cradle his cheek. 

 

_ Come back to me, Tamlin. Please, come back to me. I can't do this alone. I need you. We need you.  _

 

The healer cleans and bandages his wounds and gives him an antidote to the bloodbane. After she leaves, I sit with my mate, refusing to leave his side. 

 

“Hanna…” 

 

A soft voice from the doorway catches my attention. I glance up to see the High Lady in the threshold. I greet her with a polite nod before turning my attention back to Tamlin. He sleeps fitfully, moaning and squirming in his dreams. 

 

“I'm glad to see you're awake, Hanna,” Feyre says quietly. “We were worried about you.”

 

“Thank you.” I'm not in the mood for conversation, but I cannot be rude to Feyre. She has done so much for me and my mate. “Can I help you?”

 

She shakes her head. “No. I just wanted to check on you.”

 

“I appreciate it.”

 

Rhysand enters the room behind her and wraps his arm around Feyre’s waist. A pang of longing grips my heart so hard I have to choke back a sob. I close my eyes for a moment before glancing back at my mate. 

 

“Hanna, he will be fine,” Rhysand says. I bite back the sarcastic reply rising to my tongue. Exhaustion and desperate worry for my mate has sapped my patience. I nod again, not trusting my voice to remain even. 

 

Cassian’s voice sounds from downstairs, drawing Rhys into the hallway. Feyre ushers him out of the room and closes the door. My shoulders relax when we are alone. I clasp my mate's hand once more and lay down beside him in the large bed. 

 

I watch him sleep as he once watched me, but my heavy eyelids droop as I drift to sleep again. The mating bond acts as a bridge, and I cross it to my Tamlin’s mental shields. I touch them lightly with my hand, and they lower to let me into his mind. 

 

_ Tamlin stands in the gardens of the Spring Court, looking out over the rolling green lawns. The sight of him hale and healthy steals my breath away. “Tamlin?” _

 

_ He turns, his golden hair shining in the bright spring sunlight. His eyes are vivid against his golden skin. I launch myself at him, and he catches me in his warm embrace.  _

 

_ I drink in the feel of his solid arms and his scent. This is home. I bury my face into his chest as he strokes my hair. “Hanna. You're alright.” _

 

_ “Of course I'm alright!” I exclaim.“What the hell is taking you so long to wake up?” _

 

_ “I'm trying to return to you, Hanna. I can hear you, but my power still hasn't come back. I'm still too weak to move.” _

 

_ I glare up at him. “You shouldn't have come after me alone!”  _

 

_ My mate glances down at me, cupping my face in his hands. “Did you expect me to leave you in that thing’s clutches? You are my mate, my Lady. I couldn't leave you.” _

 

_ I can't help but smile at him. “I appreciate it, Tamlin, but you could have gotten killed!”   _

 

_ He pulls me tighter into his arms. “It was worth the risk.” _

 

_ “No! It wasn't!” I snap. I'm angry at him for the rash decision he made. “What would have happened to me if you had died? I don't know if I could have survived that even with…” _

 

_ I stop my words in their tracks. I am shouting at him, all of the anger I felt after he had been captured pouring out of me. His eyes grow wide, staring at me warily. “Even with what?” _

 

_ I shake my head. “Never mind. We can talk once you wake up.”  _

 

_ “You're hiding something from me, Hanna. I know you have been for awhile. Please, tell me.” _

 

_ I press my lips into a thin line. “This isn't the time or place.” _

 

_ Tamlin grips my chin with his fingers. His green eyes draw me in, begging me. “Please, Hanna, tell me. You're angry with me. You're hiding something. You are my mate, my Lady… please.” _

 

_ I lower my gaze for a moment before gripping one of his hands and lowering it to my thickening stomach. Surprise and awe flickers in his gaze as his hand probes the tender flesh beneath my cloth tunic.  _

 

_ Tamlin looks from my face to my middle and back again before a euphoric grin brightens his face. “Why didn't you tell me?”  _

 

_ I give him a tender smile. “I… I wasn't sure we would all survive, and… I didn't want to give you false hope.” _

 

_ Tamlin caresses my stomach as he kneels in front of me. He plants a kiss to my belly. “I don't know what to say.”  _

 

_ From far away, I hear someone calling my name. I feel the dream slipping away from me. I give my mate a kiss. “Hurry back to me, Tamlin, and we can talk more.” _

 

My eyes open to see the Cassian and Azriel standing in the doorway. I lift my head and stare at them. “What is it?”

 

Before they can answer, the male beside me stirs and lets out a faint groan. Green eyes meet mine and a hand strokes my cheek. Tears leak from my eyes, but Tamlin’s calloused thumb wipes them away. 

 

“You're awake,” I choke out. A faint smile is my only answer as I throw my arms around my mate's neck and kiss him. His lips meet mine and I lose myself in the kiss. I hear the door click shut as the others steal from the room. 


	20. Tamlin

**Tamlin**

I wrap my arms around the warmth of my mate, inhaling her scent. I notice something different about it. There is a different layer to her usual pine and snow scent. When Hanna breaks the kiss, I brush her own tears away with my thumb. 

My hands move down her body, caressing her shoulders, her back, her… my hands stop on her stomach. Her usually toned and hard stomach is swollen and soft. She gives me a warm smile. “It wasn't a dream.”

A sense of wonder floods through me. My mate… my family.  _ How did I not know? _ I bury my nose in Hanna’s hair,  and….  _ There.  _ I smell the difference. The scent reminds me of my childhood. Milk and a sweet hint of newness. 

“When will the child be born?” I ask. 

“Sometime in the winter or spring. A healer would be able to tell me more.” Hanna runs her own hand over her belly. “I didn’t want to believe it while we were… trapped in that place. I can feel them there though.”

“Them?” I ask.

Hanna nods. “I don’t know… maybe I’m going crazy. It wouldn’t surprise me, given what happened, but I think we’re having twins.”

_ Twins? _ I must say the words down the bond because my mate’s smile broadens as she nods. A soft knock at the door sounds before either of us can say anymore. A low snarl slips out of Hanna, and she slides into a defensive crouch. 

A female dressed in white robes enters the room. Hanna’s body relaxes and she nods politely at the healer. She eyes the female warily, watching her every movement.  _ I thought I was the overprotective one. _

Those brown eyes turn to me and a low growl rumbles out of her throat. The healer pauses, eyes wide, before I beckon her closer.  _ You are injured, unable to move or defend yourself. I almost lost you once. Besides, you’re not the only one with instincts you know.  _

_ I know, Hanna.  _ The healer runs an appraising eye over my battered body. “Can you please examine my mate? She hasn’t been seen to since she woke up.” 

Another growl sounds through the room. “Of course, High Lord,” the healer says. She beckons Hanna to the other side of the room, in front of the fireplace. My mate begrudgingly follows her, shooting me a nasty look over her shoulder. 

I offer her a sheepish smile. The healer examines my mate from head to toe, but returns to her stomach. Both of the females exchange a warm smile before the healer gives my mate stern advice, “You need to take it easy now. No more adventures. Light exercise only. No sparring, no heavy training. None of it.”

My mate nods. “Cassian will never let me live this down.”

The healer turns to me, “You should be fit to travel home in a day or two.” 

She bows at both of us before leaving the room. As soon as she exits, Cassian and Azriel both enter the room. The space is crowded with three pairs of Illyrian wings. “I heard you say my name,” Cassian says to Hanna. 

She sticks her tongue out at him. “I heard you stalking around out there. Rhys was right… you are no better than a dog waiting for its master to come home.” 

Azriel rolls his eyes at the pair of them. I choke back a laugh. Two pairs of eyes, one hazel and one brown, turn towards me. “Is something we said funny?” Cassian asks. 

“Cassian, knock it off,” Hanna drawls. “I’m tired and sore, my mate is still half-dead. You two can have your sparring match in a few months.”

“Months?” the general says scornfully. “By the Cauldron, Hanna, it isn’t going to take him months to recover from a few bumps and bruises, is it?” 

I open my mouth to say something, but a swift look from my mate silences me. I give her an innocent smile. “Honestly, Cassian, it’s none of your damn business. We’re exhausted and we’ve been away from home for far too long.”

The Illyrian scoffs at Hanna’s icy tone. “What’s eating you?” 

Her hand drops to her stomach for a moment before she moves them up to brush hair from her face. Both males follow her hand. Azriel’s eyes widen a moment before Cassian’s mouth falls open. My mate meets both of their gazes with a challenging glint in her eyes, as if she is daring them to say something.

“I thought you smelled different…” Cassian mutters. 

Azriel smiles at my mate and embraces her warmly. “Congratulations.” He offers a polite nod in my direction. “To both of you.” 

A pair of hazel eyes turns to me, then to my mate, and finally looking back at me. Cassian’s jaw moves up and down a few times before he throws his hands up in exasperation. “You were  _ pregnant _ the entire time you were in that shithole?” I can scent the rage rolling off of the Illyrian.

Hanna says nothing. She just continues to stare at Cassian. I can sense the irritation simmering off of her, and I keep my own mouth shut. 

Azriel wraps his hand around Cassian’s arm. “We have to meet with Rhysand,” he says. The general doesn’t move, and the shadowsinger tightens his grip. The males exchange a look, but Cassian exits the room. Hanna visibly relaxes when the door closes. 

She comes to the other side of the bed and curls up next to me. My fingers stroke the soft locks of her hair as we lay together, silent and unmoving. I feel tendrils of my magic slowly returning to me. 

Exhaustion drags me into a deep, dreamless slumber. 

The sound of soft snoring wakes me, and Hanna’s scent fills my nostrils as my eyes open to a new morning. I wrap my arms around her slim figure and admire her peaceful face. 

I stroke my mate's hair, still convinced her being back in my arms is an illusion of the Valg. Hanna stirs beneath my fingers. Her face widens into a content smile as our eyes meet. “Good morning, Tamlin.”

I kiss her head and return her greeting. My mate slowly rises from the bed, stretching her wings. I sit up straighter and swing my legs out of the bed. 

Hanna gasps and rushes over to me. “Be careful!” 

My own smile broadens as I feel strength pouring into my limbs. My magic greets me like an old friend. Hanna’s brown eyes are brimming with concern as I rise to my feet. “I'm fine, Hanna.”

I take a few paces around the room. While I'm in no condition to fight, my steps are sure and steady. “I'm going home today.  _ We  _ are going home today.” 

“It's about damn time too,” Hanna laughs. “Let's go say goodbye then we can leave.”

My mate offers me a fresh tunic and pants before she pulls on her own fighting leathers. I can't help but admire the thickness of her stomach. We exit the room, hand in hand, and make our way to the large training room at the top of the House of Wind. 

Cassian, Azriel, Rhysand, and Feyre are all gathered around one of the rings. Their conversation ceases when Hanna and I enter the room. The Illyrians study me with their usual neutral gazes while Feyre’s face breaks into a wide grin at the sight of us. 

Hanna drops my hand and embraces the High Lady. I offer her a polite smile. “Are you returning to the Spring Court?” Rhysand drawls. 

“Yes, we've been away too long,” Hanna answers. “We wanted to thank you for the help you gave us.”

I step forward and extend my hand to the High Lord. “I know it cannot make up for the… history between us, but I cannot thank you enough for helping me find my mate.”

The violet eyes widen for a heartbeat before Rhys flashes an arrogant smile. He shakes my hand. 

“If I can ever do anything to assist you, please don't hesitate to ask. I am in your debt,” I continue. 

Hanna’s surprise and joy hits me through the bond. She gives me a subtle nod of approval before throwing her arms around Cassian and Azriel. 

“You have to come back for Starfall,” Feyre says to me. 

“We will have to see if I'm able to travel,” Hanna responds. Cassian gives her a wicked smile before Hanna punches him on the arm. “I am… expecting and the child will be due around Starfall.”

Both Rhysand and Feyre’s jaws open with surprise. The High Lady squeals with delight and rushes to my mate. Rhysand shakes my hand again and offers his congratulations. 

After Hanna extracts herself from the others, she takes my hand and leads me to the balcony. She takes me around the waist and launches us into the sky. Outside of the shield surrounding the House, we winnow away. 

The sentries at the gate call out in welcome as we appear just outside of the iron gates. Hanna leans her head on my shoulder as we walk up the gravel path and into our home. 

**~~~~~~~~**

My ears ring as Hanna lets out another agonized cry. Her grip tightens, threatening to crush my fingers as another wave of pain washes over her. The healer and her assistants urge Hanna to breathe as the contraction fades. 

My mate moans low in her throat. Our eyes meet, and I send soothing thoughts down the bond. I almost cry out as the next wave hits her. The healer encourages my mate, commanding her to push down. All at once, the other females cry out in joy as the healer holds up a small, winged child. 

A shrill wail fills the room and Hanna looks towards the baby. “It's a girl,” the healer announces. One of the assistants takes the baby to wash as Hanna bears down once more. Several moments later, a second wail joins the first. My mate relaxes as a final wave of pain fades away. 

The healer and her assistants quickly clean my mate and the babies. Once wrapped in blankets, one of the babies is handed to me and the other to my mate. 

I glance down at my daughter, marveling at how small and soft she is. A shock of black hair covers her head, and her green eyes stare and stare and stare at me. I sit next to Hanna on the bed. 

“Holli,” I whisper. “We should call her Holli.” Hanna holds out my other daughter for me to admire. Her blonde hair shines in the sunlight coming in through the window. 

“Rhea,” Hanna says. 

I kiss both of my daughters and my mate on the forehead as the healer exits the room. I watch as Hanna feeds the girls and Rhea sinks into a content sleep. 

“I can't believe it…” I whisper. “They're perfect.”

While Hanna’s face is radiant with joy, a flicker of unease comes down the bond whenever she glances at Holli. 

“What is it?” I ask her. 

My mate shakes her head. “It's nothing. I'm just being a fretful mother, I'm sure.”

I glance down at Holli, her green eyes staring at her mother and I with… I reel back as her eyes flash black. A pang of raw fear freezes my blood. “What was that?”

Hanna glances at Holli, but her eyes are drooping with sleep. “I didn't see anything.”

“I was just imagining things,” I say. 

Hanna kisses me on the cheek and settles down into the bed, cradling our daughters, before sinking into a deep sleep. 

I kiss each of them again before sneaking from the room. The spring sunshine illuminating my sleeping family offers me hope, for the first time in centuries. 


End file.
